After some constructive criticism!

[karlbbb]

Attached is a song called "Cry", I wanna know what you think is good, what you think is bad etc. This is off an upcoming CD from my band "Inside View" and look forward to hearing what you think.


Cheers,
Karl

[The Funk]

I like:
1. how it goes straight into the song
2. the playing is nice and tight - no sloppiness

I'm not sure about:
1. the first change from the verse to the pre-chorus - is it a bit sudden?
2. the break before the second verse - doesn't seem clean enough

I think:
1. it sounds good - not my style of music at all and if it wasn't for the basschat connection there's no way I'd buy it for stylistic reasons
2. you guys might get a lot of tail out this. hah.

[karlbbb]

Thanks for the reply The Funk!

As for the not sure about parts, do you think it seems too sudden in just the first time or both times? The second time through sounds a little more flowing (to me) and perhaps a touch more sudden/abrupt the first time. And the break, do you mean general tightness into the guitar part?

Thanks again for the comments, especially the tail one

Cheers, Karl

[Toadonroll]

Good stuff.

If it were on the radio I think the 48 second breakdown from 2.20 to 3.08 could be considered too long(although it would be fine in the sun at Glastonbury). I'm no expert on songwriting, I just like short songs. Good to see the chorus out in under 60 seconds!

Not my thing at all, but a good band is a good band and this is a good band!

[stevie]

I really liked this and, more importantly, I think my kids would like it. Well done.

[The Funk]

[quote name='karlbbb' post='386393' date='Jan 20 2009, 04:49 PM']As for the not sure about parts, do you think it seems too sudden in just the first time or both times? The second time through sounds a little more flowing (to me) and perhaps a touch more sudden/abrupt the first time. And the break, do you mean general tightness into the guitar part?[/quote]

With the pre-chorus it's just when it happens the first time - that's not necessarily a bad thing.

With the break, it's actually when it comes out of the guitar part when you all come back in. I like breaks and even though it's a very short one, I think it's a good one - but it sounds like the drums might have come in ever so slightly early. Noone will really notice it but I'd like it cleaner.

Did you guys record to a click? That could explain why the break wasn't so clean.

I definitely get what Toad is saying about the structure as well. Have you considered leaving it as is for the album and doing a 3 - 3 1/2 minute single edit - basically by cutting each of the two parts of the breakdown much shorter?

[Galilee]

This is good. Really nice and clean. Reminds me of Hoobastank a little.

[karlbbb]

Thanks for the positive comments!

[xilddx]

I think it's very good too, but the slow quiet parts later in the number need to be, er, downsized in my opinion. Well played, well recorded, I quite like the voice too. I think a good producer would give it a bit more "guts". Damn good work though.

[Linus27]

Great little song and fairly catchy but the structure needs work, especially if its going to be a single. The song has great pace and groove but keeps starting and stopping. I would making it snappier and keep the tempo up but removing some of the slower bits.

The drum fill before the verse starts I would do slightly different. It's a bit disjointed so I would do triplets on the snare and cymbol. I would also do this half way through each verse instead of what the drummer is doing now for his fill. The second half of the verse is crying out for some harmonies. After the first verse, I would go back to the guitar riff like the intro but with a variation, maybe played higher on the guitar or the drummer riding on the cymbol. Something that uplifts it and makes it sound slightly different to the intro. Then do the second verse, again with the new drum fill and the second half of the verse with harmonies. Then the pre chorus, Then the chorus. The chorus needs some really strong hamonies. I know it has a lower one over the line, "With arms untied" (I think thats what he sings) but it could do with a higher harmony over the second line, "Will You Still Cry" and the forth line. Then the little guitar break which is great and then into a new third verse. Then pre chorus which I would add some oohs and aahhs backing vocals. Then chorus. Then the quiet vocal part which is really nice. The instrumental break does not really add anything and infact slows the pace of the song down to much. I would leave it out especially if a single. The quiet vocal part ends really nice and is screamming for you to go straight back into the chorus. This is what I would personally do. If you keep it in, then drop the rim shots and play your bass part higher up but I really would leave it out. I would also sing another chorus at the end whilst the guitarist does his high bit over it. Maybe singing a slight varition to the chorus vocal like holding longer notes etc

So, structure,

Intro Guitar Riff
Verse 1
Guitar Riff
Verse 2
Pre Chorus
Chorus
Guitar Break
Verse 3 (new one)
Pre Chorus
Chorus
Quite Vocal
Chorus
Chorus

Thats how I would do it :)