band issues

[jackers]

[quote name='mcnach' timestamp='1316801872' post='1383238']


I'd smile politely and nod.
Then wait until the guitarist needs to cancel the week before (which in my books is ok, if you have to cancel and give a few days notice I'm happy) and observe. That kind of rule is not practical, it would never work.

I also did a PhD, and now work... and I did a hell of a lot of other things meanwhile, just like I'm doing now. I don't see that as an abostacle to quit a band that quite frankly is not busy at all. I'd have probably stayed (if I liked the company and the music) and continued to have fun. You can't make plans to "make it" when you've just started writing songs, who knows what's going to happen?

But if it doesn't bother you so much to quit that band, I guess you were not really enjoying it. Find another that's more fun. Musicians can be funny specimens of the human race. Wanna-be musicians even more so. Be prepared to walk out of bands and don't waste time with those that you don't truly enjoy (at least as long as there's not money involved... once we get paid, priorities can change a bit )
Being able to say no is very important. It took me a while to learn, but the minute I started to say no, I started finding a lot more people and eventually I find myself surrounded by great guys in two different bands.

It's got to be fun (if it's not a job)
[/quote]

Haha that was very tempting for me, but I decided to take the moral high ground on this one, lol.

As for the PhD, I have worked with my supervisor for 3 months last summer, and from that I know im going to be doing a hell of alot of work, (especially since it's a chemistry PhD, so long days in the lab are normal).

I found myself feeling really uncomfortable being in the same room with them after a couple of weeks of this, so I decided to leave while I was still ahead.

I totally agree with what you say about knowing when to say no. The music was good, and the people were nice enough (when they weren't bitching about everyone behind their backs), but it got far too petty for me. I have never understood why people act like that, but oh well, lol.

At the end of the day, I was in the band to write music, hang out with friends and most of all have fun, and over the last couple of weeks I have seen that the latter two aren't happening anymore, so I decided to call it a day.

[wez]

I think these are the usual problems you get with bands, creative individuals in the same room will cause one or another to try a bit of oneupmanship. It is an unworkable rule to impose, so just stand your ground and make sure you get your points across.

This sort of thing caused me to leave my first band in the 90's, we recently got back together and some of it is resurfacing but is usually cut off before it can become a problem, were a lot older and wiser.

[flyfisher]

[quote name='geoffbyrne' timestamp='1316692970' post='1381494']
I have to say, there's nothing so fragile as a band.

It really all hangs together on personalities. If you can get the right set of people together, then it all works, whether they are good or intermediate players - what matters is a desire to *support* each other to the best of their ability.
[/quote]

I agree. There are no 'rules', no rights or wrongs about how a band must or must not operate. If everyone is of like mind then even the most bizarre behaviours will be OK and everyone will be happy. However, if everyone except you agrees to do things you don't like then, like it or not, and however unreasonable those things may seem to you, then [u]you[/u] are the one out of step.

It's a personality clash, not a matter of right or wrong, but when the clash can't be sorted out then it's a sign that things are not going to work out.

[mcnach]

[quote name='jackers' timestamp='1316811515' post='1383368']
As for the PhD, I have worked with my supervisor for 3 months last summer, and from that I know im going to be doing a hell of alot of work, (especially since it's a chemistry PhD, so long days in the lab are normal).
[/quote]

don't let them get you!!!

if you start out giving a lot of your "free" time... your supervisor gets used to that and there's no going back.

(molecular biology PhD here)