MacDaddy

I asked a lady out for a drink, she said how about 8 tomorrow?

No, I said, that's too many.

Lucy, in the sky, with diamonds.

John Lennon never quite got the hang of Cluedo

What is it with these people who refuse to embrace modern technology?

Answers on a postcard please...

I entered a fancy dress competition yesterday dressed as a giraffe.

I didn't win, but at least I can hold my head up high...

What is blue and not heavy?

Light blue.

My happiest childhood memory is building sandcastles with my grandfather.

Until my mother took the urn away from me.

I asked my North Korean friend what it was like living there. She said 'I can't complain '.

I'm thinking of killing off some characters in the book I'm writing.

It'll certainly spice up my autobiography...

Dickens: it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Schrödinger: nice!