Bo Millward Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 This song is called "I'll meet you behined your eyelids", I wrote it with the intention of introducing more people to the psychedelic meme of the primacy of mind. The idea that mind is the primary and fundamental component of existence. I've written in hardcore and progressive metal bands for a around a decade and this is my first venture out into a more pop method of production and composition. I want to start writing music that will pay my bills, without compromising my artistic integrity. This is my attempt at such a song; [url="https://soundcloud.com/bomillward/ill-meet-you-behind-your-eyelids"]https://soundcloud.com/bomillward/ill-meet-you-behind-your-eyelids[/url] I'm looking for feedback on; 1. Arrangement 2. Composition / Lyrics 3. Performance (Vocal and instrumental) 4. Production (Sounds and styles used) 5. Mix and master (How well the song competes with commercial clarity and volume) Lyrics; I'll meet you behind your eyelids, You'll see through the eye of the storm, Transfixed on the horizon, The beauty in all structure and form, Do you sense more than you see? Do you wish always to be free? Then know your not alone in here. I'll meet you behind your eyelids, In the silence that you call home, I can see you in your world, Trapped in your nightmares, I want to free you from these words, ................................................. Be as candid as you like, I want truthful comment on how I can improve my work. Much love Bo X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ambient Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 (edited) Maybe a bit 80s in style, Tears for fears and Howard Jones ? When you say you want to write for a living, do you mean for yourself to sing or others ? If it's for others, then really what you do production wise is just a demo, would it maybe be better to be quite neutral sounding, maybe just acoustic piano or guitar and vocals ? So that whoever was going to sing it could listen without hearing a production that's possibly a thousand miles away from where they would take it ? Quite well produced though. Is there a songwriters circle anywhere near you where you could meet like minded people, and workshop your ideas ? Edited December 26, 2014 by ambient Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bo Millward Posted December 26, 2014 Author Share Posted December 26, 2014 Tears for fears! That's been the consensus of feedback across the few forums I've shared this on. I must bee more influenced by the 80's than I ever realized haha! X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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