Kicked out of band...

[mlauritsen]

Hi,

 

I was recently invited to play with some guys I didn't know - I play with the drummer in another context, and he suggested I try out.

The band is reasonably competent, without live or recording experience (or maybe they do and I just couldn't tell)

I played with them a couple of hours a couple of times, killed myself learning their 10+ cover songs in non-standard keys and then, after a break for autumn holidays, I got a message on our "band chat" that another bassist had applied and they had decided to go with him.

I didn't realize they were still looking, the feedback after both sessions was pretty good, and since the band was "for fun", I figured I had the gig.

 

Sucks.

 

I don't want to waste any time complaining and being bitter, just wondering how other people deal with setbacks like this.

I was really enjoying playing with real people again, excited to get to know new musicians and new material (of the 10+ songs, I could have named Green Day, otherwise I had never heard of neither songs nor bands covered).

Really bummed out to have thrown myself into practising a lot more than usual, and apart from now knowing 10 songs I will never play again, it was pretty much wasted effort.

 

On the plus side, this got my playing and practice back into gear after a period of "being distracted".

 

Regards

Morten

[ezbass]

16 minutes ago, mlauritsen said:

Hi,

 

I was recently invited to play with some guys I didn't know - I play with the drummer in another context, and he suggested I try out.

The band is reasonably competent, without live or recording experience (or maybe they do and I just couldn't tell)

I played with them a couple of hours a couple of times, killed myself learning their 10+ cover songs in non-standard keys and then, after a break for autumn holidays, I got a message on our "band chat" that another bassist had applied and they had decided to go with him.

I didn't realize they were still looking, the feedback after both sessions was pretty good, and since the band was "for fun", I figured I had the gig.

 

Sucks.

 

I don't want to waste any time complaining and being bitter, just wondering how other people deal with setbacks like this.

I was really enjoying playing with real people again, excited to get to know new musicians and new material (of the 10+ songs, I could have named Green Day, otherwise I had never heard of neither songs nor bands covered).

Really bummed out to have thrown myself into practising a lot more than usual, and apart from now knowing 10 songs I will never play again, it was pretty much wasted effort.

 

On the plus side, this got my playing and practice back into gear after a period of "being distracted".

 

Regards

Morten

I can understand your frustration, but it wasn’t wasted time really, as you’ve pointed out yourself. As you know the drummer outside of the band, perhaps you could ask why they decided to go with someone else. If it’s something in your playing, you might want to work on that (or not). No one likes rejection, but it is part of a musician’s lot I’m afraid. Pick yourself up and, now that you’re back up and running, move onto the next project.

Edited October 29, 2021 by ezbass

[Supernaut]

Keep your chin up and keep looking - something that suits your tastes better is sure to be out there. 

[TimR]

16 minutes ago, mlauritsen said:

without live or recording experience (or maybe they do and I just couldn't tell)

 

Probably a blessing in disguise. 

[mlauritsen]

6 minutes ago, ezbass said:

I can understand your frustration, but it wasn’t time really, as you’ve pointed out yourself. As you know the drummer outside of the band, perhaps you could ask why they decided to go with someone else. If it’s something in your playing, you might want to work on that (or not). No one likes rejection, but it is part of a musician’s lot I’m afraid. Pick yourself up and, now that you’re back up and running, move onto the next project.

Good point, I will ask the drummer.

They explicitly said it was nothing in my playing, but I mean, they're not going to throw me out because they don't like my hair...
I forgot to mention I'm a good generation older than the other players, that could be a factor - and explains why I know none of their music 🙂

[chris_b]

It doesn't mean you weren't good enough. You probably were, but people can be greedy and there is always someone who is better.

[Nail Soup]

It sucks for sure to be replaced, not a nice feeling. 
I think they just got in early enough that you were still on trial rather than a full member so hopefully that will help you feel less aggrieved.

Pity you sank a lot of time into learning but on the plus side you got some new experience.

Good luck with the next one!

[Marvin]

I got into one band by not being the best bass player. The other guy was/is pretty good, he's now an Ernie Ball and Gallien Krueger endorsee and I'm not and never will be 😁

 

Practice room bands are sometimes the worst. I was relived to be ditched by a practice room band...although they went about it in an underhand manner by saying they'd packed it in when they hadn't. I tore strips off them when I saw them.

 

Just chalk it down as tried and done and move on.

[Doctor J]

Fall off bike. Get up. Get back on bike. Ride again. It happens everyone, better to find out how than after you learned 20 songs.

 

You mention you didn't know any of the music they were into other than Green Day. To he fair, I would be reluctant to bring someone into a band who wasn't into the music I was playing, so I'd say this is probably why you're not in, more than anything else. You want the right player, not just someone who can play, and having the same tastes is about 90% of the battle, for me. They weren't the right band for you and they didn't mess you around. That's pretty good going, I would say 🙂

 

Find the right band for you, put that energy into it and you'll be grand.

[Jus Lukin]

-

Edited March 15, 2022 by Jus Lukin

[bigjohn]

43 minutes ago, mlauritsen said:

I forgot to mention I'm a good generation older than the other players, that could be a factor - and explains why I know none of their music 🙂

 

I would imagine that's why. I was once in a band for a relatively short time with some fellas about 10 years younger than me. Was a while ago and 10 years was a lot then Was fun and all, but I did feel a bit like band dad and they almost certainly felt similar the other way around, despite me insisting that they drove me around everywhere because I had other need for a car at the time. Lol. All just fizzled out in the end. 

 

Bands with varying ages tend to work better with an array of different ages I feel. 

[mlauritsen]

23 minutes ago, Doctor J said:

You mention you didn't know any of the music they were into other than Green Day. To he fair, I would be reluctant to bring someone into a band who wasn't into the music I was playing, so I'd say this is probably why you're not in, more than anything else. You want the right player, not just someone who can play, and having the same tastes is about 90% of the battle, for me. They weren't the right band for you and they didn't mess you around. That's pretty good going, I would say 🙂
 

That's a great point, and I think I will look for something where I can influence the playlist from the start.

Several times they just started playing, assuming everyone would know which song it was. Not me. I just ended up trying to do whatever guitar-guy's bottom finger was doing. 🙂

My other gig is pretty cool, I've been involved since the start and I have a direct say on the material.

It is sooo much more fun to practice and play stuff you know and like. 😉

[MacDaddy]

They actually told you, rather than ghosting you.

You haven't lost any money.

None of your gear has been stolen.

 

Take the win!

[musicbassman]

@mlauritsen, sorry to hear about this, but I agree with the other comments here.

Maybe it would be interesting if you could give us BCers a list of songs so we can see what material you had to learn. Was it demanding to play, or maybe the bass lines required a bit of rearranging/ filling out/simplifying to suit the band line up, and you didn't pick up on this ?

But, as others have said, pick yourself up, shake off the bad news and move on !  🙂 👍

Edited October 29, 2021 by musicbassman

[Thunderbird]

Sounds like a lucky escape to me if you were led to believe you had the gig and they were still looking shows what kind of people they really are best finding out sooner than later 

[Crawford13]

1 hour ago, MacDaddy said:

They actually told you, rather than ghosting you.

You haven't lost any money.

None of your gear has been stolen.

 

Take the win!

Wow to call it a win is setting a pretty low bar... 

 

But to be honest, life just works like that sometimes, I'm sure you won't be missing out on too much. 

[lonestar]

I’ve been bemused over the years how unprofessional bands are, particularly in the hiring and firing area. When working regularly as a dep I’ve had the experience of learning a whole set, having been promised loads of gigs as the supply bass player, following a very good audition/rehearsal. “Send us a pic and some bio for the website”. Ok done. Then nothing, tumbleweed, nada.

No communication or response until browsing said bands FB page and I see that they’ve just played a lovely gig with their new stand in bass player.

 

Had another bunch of time wasters who just never got back to me after another good rehearsal and when the “ex pro touring drummer” finally picked up the phone they were going to have a rethink and probably call it a day. Next week Facebook again “here’s our new brilliant bass player. Why can’t bands just be upfront and not waste everyone’s time if you’re not the guy/gal/other for the job ?

Edited October 29, 2021 by lonestar

[Bleat]

I learnt a few covers which were new to me, put the time in to nail them ( as us bass players tend to do), turned up for first actual rehersal with "band" after weeks of online "talking the talk" and song suggestions etc to find both guitarists could hardly play a note between them. I removed myself quickly from that waste of time...but... I now have a few new songs in my personal repetoire which I would not have otherwise. Unless you hated the songs, it's not a waste of time in that respect, and may prove useful for any future band you may join.

[pete.young]

16 minutes ago, Bleat said:

Ibut... I now have a few new songs in my personal repetoire which I would not have otherwise. Unless you hated the songs, it's not a waste of time in that respect, and may prove useful for any future band you may join.

Absolutely. Time spent in reconnaissance is seldom wasted.

[peteb]

5 hours ago, mlauritsen said:

I forgot to mention I'm a good generation older than the other players, that could be a factor - and explains why I know none of their music 🙂

 

I think that you have your reason there. 

 

To be fair, it is a legitimate reason for them to find someone else who is a better fit. It's no reflection on you and there could well be another band around the corner that is more suitable for you.

 

Edited October 29, 2021 by peteb

[peteb]

5 hours ago, mlauritsen said:

I mean, they're not going to throw me out because they don't like my hair...

 

I have seen that happen on more than one occasion...! 

 

[skankdelvar]

I'd say there's a reasonably good chance these guys will contact you in a few months and say 'Well, Morten, it didn't work out with that other bass player. Any chance you could come back in and audition again?'

 

If they do, come back here and we'll tell you what to say to them. In the meantime you may console yourself that you've learned some new songs and that there's plenty more bands out there.

 

Onward and upward 

[bigjohn]

5 hours ago, Crawford13 said:

Wow to call it a win is setting a pretty low bar... 

 

But to be honest, life just works like that sometimes, I'm sure you won't be missing out on too much. 

 

Take the wins where they are

 

First cup of tea in the morning is a massive win 

[Downunderwonder]

May the experience of grinding out the tunes carry forward until they put you in a box in the ground.

[Newfoundfreedom]

I wouldn't take it too much to heart mate. It's probably a case of a mate of one of the other band members became available, other than any refection on you or your playing. Although I can understand why you'd be frustrated after putting the time into learning their material.