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musicbassman

Annoying things people say to musicians

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Oh my, this brings back memories. The guy who wants to discuss my equipment with me  while I am actually playing 🤦🏼‍♂️ 

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11 minutes ago, stewblack said:

Oh my, this brings back memories. The guy who wants to discuss my equipment with me  while I am actually playing 🤦🏼‍♂️ 

Well, at least they want to discuss your equipment not some other totally random thing, that is sort of a bonus.

He missed out the person who wants to have a discussion with you while you are singing, and the person who wants to shake your hand while you are playing

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I used to deliver pianos for a living and every time we unloaded one from the back of the van a witty passer by would say "Give us a tune mate!" 
If we weren't trying to man handle an extremely heavy and awkward object we would have collapsed with laughter every time we heard this . NOT.

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2 hours ago, Dom in Dorset said:

I used to deliver pianos for a living and every time we unloaded one from the back of the van a witty passer by would say "Give us a tune mate!" 
If we weren't trying to man handle an extremely heavy and awkward object we would have collapsed with laughter every time we heard this . NOT.

"Dad, do you know the piano's on my foot?"

"You hum it son, I'll play it!"

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"Why do you have five strings, when bass should be one note at a time?"

"Oi Ringo (Macca/Lennon etc.)"

"Are you all miming, what with all those blinking lights in those boxes?"

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Me checking my mic level:

"1 2, 1 2".

Punter at the back of the room yells:

"3 4"!

Punter then laughs hysterically at his own 'joke' and attempts to high-five his nearest mate who just stares at him blankly. 

Over the past 24 years that I have been gigging I have played a little over 1500 gigs. In that time I have witnessed this happening a little over 1500 times. 🙄

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"Play me the intro to Sweet Child o Mine/Sweet Home Alabama/Smoke on the Water"

"I can't, this is a bass guitar"

"What's the difference?"

Proceed to explain for 5 seconds the differences before punter stares blankly and walks away

Edited by acidbass
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Engineers in the studio - "Can't you just use a Fender?"

The response is usually along the lines of "No" with varying severity.

Edited by 40hz
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9 minutes ago, 40hz said:

Engineers in the studio - "Can't you just use a Fender?"

Sorry, I didn't realise you only knew how to use presets!

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Actually had this from a punter (I paraphrase).

"Why have you got all those pedals, you're a bass player, you don't need any? Norman Wattroy doesn't need them."

"I'm not Norman Wattroy, and he doesn't play Muse songs in his set"

PS, All those pedals - about 6 stomp boxes on a pedal train jnr!

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“I’m going now, it’s ok I’ve packed up my mic”

”I’m going to the bar now, it’s ok I’ll pack up my mic later”

”No it’s fine, these guys have got it covered, ....so your name’s Estelle? Well “Estelle”, let me show you my mic”

“Thanks for letting me use your mic bass player person, I’ll let you pack it up, as I overheard you say earlier that you know where you’d like to put it”

Obviously I don’t count singers as musicians....

General public generally don’t approach me at gigs. 🥳

Edited by oldslapper

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16 minutes ago, Greg Edwards69 said:

Actually had this from a punter (I paraphrase).

"Why have you got all those pedals, you're a bass player, you don't need any? Norman Wattroy doesn't need them."

"I'm not Norman Wattroy, and he doesn't play Muse songs in his set"

PS, All those pedals - about 6 stomp boxes on a pedal train jnr!

At least he cited an actual bass player. Could have been worse.

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I  have been told TWICE!!!!!! to turn down because I was causing FEEDBACK!!!!!!.

Not on the same night of course.

feedback from a bass......at low volume......with the tone turned down to zero?

The second time I was going straight into the desk, with no monitors or amps onstage. 

Were they INSANE!!!!!!

 

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On being offered the loan instrument (not garbage, but a no name/bitsa) at a weekly jam I'm in the house band at - "No, no. I'll play yours". Oh will you indeed, sunshine...

"So what job do you do during the day?"

"My mate's a really good singer/guitar player/etc. Call him up for a song".

"Can you play Xxx?" "Sorry, don't know it". "You must". "No really. We don't". "It goes ner ner na na, etc, etc".

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“What kind of piano is that?”  😁

should be followed, without waiting for an answer, by “I have a 2 million dollar hand-made Barbinsky from the 18th century with pure ebony pedals, but this sounds good for what it is” 

also the kind of girl that starts passionately dancing to your music telling you you’re great (“hey, we’re onto something here” one thinks), then you discover she’s totally drunk and does exactly the same routine with ANY kind of band/music... 

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Me testing my mic during set-up..

"  1-2-1-2  "

Comedian in the audience ...

" Drummer's IQ "

Stern look from our drummer

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Someone always says "you should hear my mate singing, she`s great!"

Usually a drunk woman.

I blame X factor, Mickie Most and Hughie Green. All Ba*tards!

Edited by jezzaboy
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"What do you mean, you want to be paid? You enjoy it".

Edited by Dan Dare
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