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Band joining/leaving shenanigans. Update - The Decision...


solo4652

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Six days ago, I had a jam/try-out session with a local covers band looking for a bassist. It went well, and the following day I was invited aboard. I accepted. At that "audition" was a guy who was obviously a bassist, keen to talk about equipment. He sat at the back of the room watching all the time I was there. Bit odd, I thought. I've cracked on learning new songs ahead of tomorrow's rehearsal.

This morning, I get this email:

 

"Hi Steve

Tried ringing but couldn’t get through. Really, really sorry mate but we have gone with another bassist. This has only happened today and we didn’t see it coming. A good friend of ours has left his current band under a dark cloud. You met him last week, Carl. This was not planned mate and it has nothing to do with your obvious musical ability. This is more to do with helping out a mate. We are so sorry for wasting your time and hope you understand.  I would have preferred to do this over the phone rather than email but wouldn’t want you to be hanging on any longer than necessary.

 All the best and hope you don’t hold it against us.  Please stay a friend on the FB page and let us know if you get sorted out so we can follow you.

 Cheers mate, and sincere apologies.

 Dave and the guys"

I'm pretty peed-off about being treated like this. I'm just sitting here wondering how to respond to the email. 

Edited by solo4652
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That's pretty harsh treatment, but not rare by all accounts.

It sounds to me like they already knew that 'Carl' was possibly joining their band, but were hedging their bets.

Not a great deal you can do - either ignore their message, give them a load of abuse, or try to do the diplomatic thing & stay 'friends' (!)

I think if it were me, I'd go for the second option of kicking off, but then that might not be wise... :/

Good luck with everything, and remember, you did everything they asked - they failed you.

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I'm sorry, but you've been well and truly shafted here.

Shouting and banging your fists might make you feel better but won't change the situation.

Yes, have a conversation or respond to the email, but keep it reasonably polite.

You never know, It may all go t**ts up with their mate Carl and you can be ready to take his place, or if you've proved you've been reasonable you might get a recommendation for another band at some time in the future.

My approach is always to keep it polite and professional, even if in this case they clearly haven't managed this. 😧

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If you can, just walk away. 
I don’t necessarily buy the “couldn’t phone/get through” bit. No respect for lazy, cowardly communication.

It’s no reflection on your ability or you as a person. No one wins if you shout at them. At this moment you walk away disappointed, angry, etc but integrity in tact. 

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You never know who was the instigator on things like this, so rather than burning bridges with all of them I’d just reply and say thanks for letting me know, wish you all the best. That simple communication could really work to your favour years down the line when not expecting it. 

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Happened to me in a very similar fashion - only it happened after the first gig. Turned out that their sound guy (a mate who also owned the PA) was a bass player and only decided he fancied it after I'd put the work in and they were gig ready. I got the " you're a really good player and we couldn't have done it without you but he's a mate and it keeps the costs down" . We did not remain friends.

 

.

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Thats annoying and sorry to hear it. As above it sounds like you were plan B unfortunately, I'd move on but let them know that it's a cr@p way to be treated. Up to you if you bother to remain 'friends' but as Carl seems to have left his previous band "under a dark cloud" the same might happen with Dave and friends. Depends if this is a bridge you want to burn.

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1 hour ago, musicbassman said:

I'm sorry, but you've been well and truly shafted here.

Shouting and banging your fists might make you feel better but won't change the situation.

Yes, have a conversation or respond to the email, but keep it reasonably polite.

You never know, It may all go t**ts up with their mate Carl and you can be ready to take his place, or if you've proved you've been reasonable you might get a recommendation for another band at some time in the future.

My approach is always to keep it polite and professional, even if in this case they clearly haven't managed this. 😧

^^ This ^^

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I'd just leave it there, I'm not sure the email needs a response, maybe just a brief 'no hard feelings' if you think there might be some useful contacts for the future but there's no point telling them how P'd off you actually are.

Edited by Cato
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I tried out for an originals band a few years ago - I'm reasonable ability wise and I learned all their songs, wrote/prepared basslines and played along to their CD for a couple of weeks. I'm also very, very reliable, turn up to rehearsals and gigs on time, have my own transport, have good equipment and I do what I say. The audition went really well - good feel, no bum notes, etc., etc.

They tried out another guy at the same time - I knew him well - he was a very, very good natural bassist. But I also knew he had a reputation of being very flakey.

A week went by and I figured they probably went with the other guy but chased up anyway - I got a response from the band leader/singer - "I wanted to go with you, blah, blah, blah but we went with the other guy because the guitarist and drummer overruled me, etc."

I responded and said I was disappointed because I really enjoyed playing with them and wished them all the best, etc.

Then I got a text and email about a week later to say the other guy hadn't shown up to the two band rehearsals since the audition, wasn't responding to their messages and did I want to join.

I politely declined - I didn't feel I was cutting my nose off to spite my face either - I figured I'd either be walking into a band where two of the three members didn't really want me there anyway or the band leader is a liar.

Edited by thebassist
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Well, I accept the majority view here that I should walk away with dignity. That's exactly what I did 6 weeks ago with a band I was depping with who wanted me to join them permanently. Not really my music, so I stepped away gracefully. That band is still very much in touch with me.

However, with last week's crew, my feelings are a bit different. I wouldn't join them now if they change their minds, because I don't like the way they've behaved. Desperately trying to rein-in my irritation and frustration, I've replied to the Dear John email thus, rightly or wrongly.:

"....That’s disappointing.

 I’d have a few comments to  make about what’s happened here, but it’s a done deal, so not much point really. I   did wonder who the chap sitting at the back of the room was last Thursday. Now I know.

Let me know if you hear of a band needing a bassist, please.

Steve" 

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6 minutes ago, solo4652 said:

Well, I accept the majority view here that I should walk away with dignity. That's exactly what I did 6 weeks ago with a band I was depping with who wanted me to join them permanently. Not really my music, so I stepped away gracefully. That band is still very much in touch with me.

However, with last week's crew, my feelings are a bit different. I wouldn't join them now if they change their minds, because I don't like the way they've behaved. Desperately trying to rein-in my irritation and frustration, I've replied to the Dear John email thus, rightly or wrongly.:

"....That’s disappointing.

 I’d have a few comments to  make about what’s happened here, but it’s a done deal, so not much point really. I   did wonder who the chap sitting at the back of the room was last Thursday. Now I know.

Let me know if you hear of a band needing a bassist, please.

Steve" 

Nice one smiley

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The grown-up approach:
Send a polite email wishing them well.

What I'd do:
Send a polite email wishing them well, but fill it with well-disguised withering sarcasm. Tell them you've had a lucky escape and they're a bunch of c.starfish, but make it sound like you are pledging undying lifelong friendship. :lol: 

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