Band joining/leaving shenanigans. Update - The Decision...

[wateroftyne]

 

[r16ktx]

Musicians eh? 😆 On the bright side you did get informed, and you weren't blamed.

They couldn't reaonably expect not to get a reply from you that was a good deal worse than what they did get.

[Muppet]

Very similar situation happened to me several years ago.  They got a polite but curt,  "Thanks for letting me know"  response and I chalked it up to experience.  They came back to me two months after, asking if I was still interested(!) and I declined, saying I was already sorted. I wasn't, but I wasn't prepared to make it easy for them.   I'm sure there's more bass players needed than looking!

[peteb]

4 hours ago, Paul S said:

How annoying!  he was obviously a shoe-in, you were plan B.

Wish them all the best and move on.

 

3 hours ago, hiram.k.hackenbacker said:

To be fair to 'Dave and the guys', there are less polite ways you could have been shown the door before you've even set a foot through it. There are also slightly better ways, but he did acknowledge that.

The thing I take from this is that "A good friend of ours has left his current band under a dark cloud. You met him last week, Carl".

Chances are that Carl might not be around for long. 

Depends how much you want the gig of course, but I would keep it cordial. Say you're available should it not work out with Carl.

Should you be invited back for whatever reason, I would make it clear that you're not going to be d!cked around like last time though.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

1 hour ago, wateroftyne said:

Just walk away, and don't burn any bridges. It's a small world.

The thing is that bands are not corporations with defined recruitment policies and it's pretty obvious that the friend would have been an automatic choice if they had known that he was going to be available. 

Every music scene is as much about contacts as anything else and this lot have admitted that they have wasted your time and that it has nothing to do with your ability or personality. If you walk away with as much good grace as possible then you have increased the reach of your contacts and increased your reputation as a good guy to work with. Who knows, they may very well recommend you the next time another band that they know are looking for a bass player. 

[Newfoundfreedom]

I can see why you'd be annoyed. But in all honesty who wouldn't do the same thing? (assuming that the singer's email it's true) Surely, ability being comparable, anyone would go with a mate given the chance. 

I personally wouldn't even be interested in being in a band with strangers. Being in a band for me is all about hanging around with my mates making a noise. Although I appreciate it's a very different situation in a professional outfit. 

[skidder652003]

Dark Cloud Carl, my new band name...

[EBS_freak]

See it as time saved before the invevitable...

Read my post here -

 

Edited January 29, 2020 by EBS_freak

[dmccombe7]

Better they told you sooner rather than later when you had learned the set for them. 

I'd try to stay amicable if you can. You never know what's gonna happen in the future and keeping amicable contacts is the way to go. If things change for them they can still call on you and you'll have the option of being the better person. You can either accept the position or simply say you are already with another band and you come out looking good with everyone.  They could pass your details onto other bands that might be looking for a bass player.

On the other hand you could give them abuse and that might follow you around the local circuit.

Best stay amicable and just accept they wanted their mate. Nothing to do with you or your ability.

Hopefully you'll get something else quickly and just move on.

Dave

 

[Merton]

Sounds all too familiar - sorry you’ve had to go through it

A couple of years back I auditioned for a band, lost out because I was too far away vs the other bassist; I was asked to be a dep and promptly given a dep gig a few months away. He then became very unreliable due to family/health issues so I got asked to take over. Sure, no issue. Dep gig still a month off.

Suddenly two weeks before the gig there’s a Facebook announcement about a gig the night after the one I’m doing, where they’ll be unveiling their new bassist. I then get an email with the set list and told “btw our new bassist will be in the crowd to watch and get tips”.

So I politely emailed and said it’s probably better for him to just do the gig if he’s there (“he can use it as a warm up for the real unveiling” were the words I used) and removed them from my contacts.

Musicians as a breed are often w4nk3r5s. Bassists are of course the exception to the rule.

Edited January 29, 2020 by Merton
Profanity filter grr

[2elliot]

'Sorry, no missed calls on my phone.  Are you sure you didn't phone best mate Carl instead?' 4Q bye... 

[dmccombe7]

1 hour ago, Merton said:

Sounds all too familiar - sorry you’ve had to go through it

A couple of years back I auditioned for a band, lost out because I was too far away vs the other bassist; I was asked to be a dep and promptly given a dep gig a few months away. He then became very unreliable due to family/health issues so I got asked to take over. Sure, no issue. Dep gig still a month off.

Suddenly two weeks before the gig there’s a Facebook announcement about a gig the night after the one I’m doing, where they’ll be unveiling their new bassist. I then get an email with the set list and told “btw our new bassist will be in the crowd to watch and get tips”.

So I politely emailed and said it’s probably better for him to just do the gig if he’s there (“he can use it as a warm up for the real unveiling” were the words I used) and removed them from my contacts.

Musicians as a breed are often w4nk3r5s. Bassists are of course the exception to the rule.

Now that's really not nice at all and i would have done the same as you under those circumstances.

I don't even get why they would do that in the first place. Some people are just weird sods.

Dave

[Woodinblack]

Well, not much you can do. I would just reply as short as possible and leave it at that. Who knows what might come in the future.

But it does suck.

Although on the positive side, at least they told you, I was once asked to join and then contacted later to change their mind because they decided I would be too busy (like how do they know?). 

[dmccombe7]

5 minutes ago, Woodinblack said:

Well, not much you can do. I would just reply as short as possible and leave it at that. Who knows what might come in the future.

But it does suck.

Although on the positive side, at least they told you, I was once asked to join and then contacted later to change their mind because they decided I would be too busy (like how do they know?). 

If anything like me they'll have done a FB search to see who you were and what you are up to. Then i'll youtube any bands you've been in. From there i'll google you to see if there's anything shady about you. Then i'll speak to friends in local Police Force and get all the dirt i can on to force you to play in my band.

Simples really 

Dave

[Woodinblack]

3 minutes ago, dmccombe7 said:

If anything like me they'll have done a FB search to see who you were and what you are up to. Then i'll youtube any bands you've been in. From there i'll google you to see if there's anything shady about you. Then i'll speak to friends in local Police Force and get all the dirt i can on to force you to play in my band.

I would too. Sadly this group had difficulty using email, let alone anything else. They split up shortly afterwards and I am still with the band I joined the same month. I have seen a few of them in different groups.

[dmccombe7]

18 minutes ago, Woodinblack said:

I would too. Sadly this group had difficulty using email, let alone anything else. They split up shortly afterwards and I am still with the band I joined the same month. I have seen a few of them in different groups.

I was of course joking altho i do the FB search if its available usually to check out any band VID clips

[Bluewine]

Same exact thing happened to me 10 years ago. I was offered the job and they changed their mind when an old friend returned to town.

 

Just say " no problem" and move on. There's not much you can do 

Blue

Edited January 29, 2020 by Bluewine

[mep]

6 hours ago, skidder652003 said:

Dark Cloud Carl, my new band name...

That's may name. Can I join your band please Steve? Not sure what we'd do with 2 bass players though 😧

[Fozza]

9 hours ago, mep said:

That's may name. Can I join your band please Steve? Not sure what we'd do with 2 bass players though 😧

Ned's Atomic Dustbin tribute act?

[stewblack]

Closest I've been to this situation was a couple of years back. It wasn't nearly as bad but my response to it was important. 

I was promised an audition which never happened, just didn't hear back... until...

I got a call saying they hadn't bothered to audition me or anybody else as their regular dep has changed his mind and decided he wanted the full time gig. However he wasn't available for new years eve and could I maybe step in? Oh and it doesn't pay very well, it's for a pub which lets us rehearse for free so we play cut price for them. 

I could have said all sorts of rude things but I didn't  I took the gig and gave depped for them many times since, am in a band with the singer who also got me a regular gig in another band with her recommendation. 

So yeah, stay cool, keep the contact, you never know. 

[dmccombe7]

11 hours ago, mep said:

That's may name. Can I join your band please Steve? Not sure what we'd do with 2 bass players though 😧

Drink coffee and talk bass a lot but at least you would both get along cause bass players are all nice people. 

You could try covering these 2 guys.

 

[Steve Browning]

18 hours ago, peteb said:

 

 

The thing is that bands are not corporations with defined recruitment policies and it's pretty obvious that the friend would have been an automatic choice if they had known that he was going to be available. 

Every music scene is as much about contacts as anything else and this lot have admitted that they have wasted your time and that it has nothing to do with your ability or personality. If you walk away with as much good grace as possible then you have increased the reach of your contacts and increased your reputation as a good guy to work with. Who knows, they may very well recommend you the next time another band that they know are looking for a bass player. 

This, with nickel plated pre-CBS barrel shaped knobs on!

[stewblack]

10 minutes ago, dmccombe7 said:

Drink coffee and talk bass a lot but at least you would both get along cause bass players are all nice people. 

You could try covering these 2 guys.

 

I didn't know Eddie played bass. And the ugliest example of the instrument I've ever seen! 

[JapanAxe]

This has happened to me more than once in my long and not-so-illustrious playing 'career'. As is the consensus, express disappointment, thank them anyway, offer yourself as a dep if required.

Also from the band's POV there can be advantages in having a band made up of existing friends.

[Cat Burrito]

I 100% agree with the majority of posts that say, be polite as you never know what the future holds. Especially if you are from a small scene / area. I'd be secretly a little aggrieved but it could be the drummer picks you up for his next band or some gigs come your way. That won't happen if you tell them to go stuff it... and if they do wind up being a bunch of idiots, hey, you dodged a bullet!

[mikel]

Well it was at least a polite and apologetic email explaining the situation. The "Mate" thing is always a difficult scenario to get around as people prefer to have others they already know in bands, as long as they are up to it. It could be that one of the current band is best mates with Carl and threatened to spit his dummy is Carl was not given the position. It could also be that the person sending the email was given the sh*t job and told to get on with it. We will never know. Good luck.