Jump to content
Why become a member? ×

Over Extending Yourself


Unknown_User
 Share

Recommended Posts

Here follows partly a rant, but mostly a request for some perspective and good advice from the BassChat collective...

I wonder if I'm going a bit crackers and wanting to basically be in every band going.  I love playing bass, gigging, learning songs and playing with and speaking to other musicians at rehearsals.  However I also have a job that demands I put the overtime hours in (thankfully overtime is done from home) and a (thankfully supportive) wife and three young nippers who I want to keep spending quality time with.

Ideally I'd like to be in a decent originals band, a covers band that brings in enough dough to keep my old banger of a car in petrol, insurance, etc. and maybe get back to doing a bit of songwriting of my own on the side.  At the moment I am in the following bands (in chronological order of joining):

1) Covers band - Was precisely what I was after for about two years.  Unfortunately so far this year we've only gigged about eight times, rehearsed about three times and added zero new songs.  I'm a bit cheesed off with the lack of progress because they're all good musicians and when we're on form we are, without trying to blow our own trumpet, pretty tight and do some good songs.  I've voiced my concerns at rehearsals and mentioned this a few times to the BL separately but with little success.  I think the rot started when one member joined (great musician, but always on holiday or ill), while the BL contends that another member is the problem.  This other member is also a great musician but is too always on holiday.  Though I think the main issue is a personality clash with him and the BL.  While I see the BL's point, I think he's a decent fella myself and would prefer to keep him in the band.

2) Originals band #1 - I really love their songs and get on well with all of them.  No politics and it's enjoyable to be part of, but the levels of unarsedness from everyone else are truly off the scale.  I think they see me as the organised and driven one, which is about as damning an indictment as I can possibly think of.  Been a part of it for two years and we've only done one gig - the one and only gig I've ever organised myself for any band.  This even though we've got a good set and have had it together for ages.  We haven't rehearsed for months.  One's member has been ill, one's got a new job, one is expecting his first child and the other is currently AWOL abroad for an indefinite period.  No idea when we'll next rehearse.  No one seems bothered.

3) Originals band #2 - Joined a few months ago and loving it.  They're properly organised and have a decent fan base.  I just turn up and play bass and that's exactly what I want.  If I could only be in one band it would be this one.  Although there's no money coming in from it, which I could do with.

THE DILEMMA

For some reason I find myself constantly scouring JMB looking for new bands to join.  Particularly covers bands but also interesting originals stuff.  Not sure if I'm in the grip of some sort of mania or if I'm just annoyed that bands 1) & 2) aren't giving me a source of regular gigs.

I think the covers band I'm in is fizzling out and will sink early next year and I have come to the conclusion in the past couple of days that I want to jump ship.  I would of course offer to play the few gigs that are already booked in if I did that, but I'm really not getting anything from it and haven't been for almost a year.  Although I don't really see the others socially I'd obviously like to avoid falling out with anyone or having them think I'd let them down or been dishonourable.

So I'm not sure how to approach it.  I'm thinking of just letting everyone know that I'm not feeling it any more and handing in my notice with them.  That said I could really do without losing the (admittedly very meagre) income if I struggle to find something else. 

As for Originals band #1 I feel that since it's no drag on my time I should just let it ride and wait until I'm required.  However I worry that in the unlikely event that they did get their act together then I would be spread too thin and I don't want to let them down as Originals band #2 would take precedence for me as they're on the ball and doing stuff.  I don't really want to leave them in the lurch if they become active and I can't commit, but then again I really like their songs and I don't want them to potentially fizzle out because everyone's busy with other stuff and the bass player quitting being the straw that broke the camel's back (because obviously how could they go on with out me?) 😀

Still without letting anyone know about the above I'm currently communicating with three people on JMB.  Two are covers bands - though I'm unsure if either would be a good fit for me - and one guy who wants to start an originals band from scratch which sounds exactly like my kind of music.  Even more so than the two originals bands I'm in at the moment.

Do I need to calm down with all this?  I don't want to waste anyone's time or leave anyone hanging but I want the right mix of bands.  Which would be a decent "covers for money" outfit, Originals band #2 and a low intensity songwriting vehicle for my favourite style of music.

All advice; sensible, jocular or abusive welcome!  😀

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with most of your assessments, @Unknown_User.

The covers band seems to be circling the drain. You say that there is one member who you like and would want to keep in the band, but he has a personality clash with the band leader and is often on holiday. You need to accept that, even though you like him as a person, he's not good for your band.

If you want to rescue the covers band, you need to talk to the band leader and agree to replace both of the people who have limited availability. If you don't want to do this, then you might as well get your next covers band lined up, because this one isn't going anywhere.

A point that applies to both the covers band and Originals Band #1 - you talk about the hypothetical situation that they suddenly become more active, and you've already spread yourself too thin with commitments elsewhere. Well, this is very unlikely to happen. 90% of the time, once a band starts fading away, it continues to do so. The odds of a rejuvenation for both your covers band and Originals Band #1 are astronomical. If it does happen, then you can just say "sorry, I made alternative plans elsewhere as we were gigging and rehearsing so little - if you want to increase our activity, then you'll need to find another bass player to do it with." And if this does happen, you don't need to feel guilty about it. If a band is so fragile that the departure of the bass player causes it to fold, then there is no band - just one hardworking bass player and a bunch of half-hearted dorks.

So, in summary, I think you're doing exactly the right thing.

S.P.

Edited by Stylon Pilson
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 minutes ago, Cuzzie said:

It’s a good position to be in to be wanted and to want to play music with people, but the other persons lawn is not necessarily better, it’s just using a different lawnmower

You are Eric Cantona and I claim my five pounds!  😀

I wasn't trying to imply I was in demand or anything.  In fact part of the problem is that I worry I will struggle to find a decent covers band gig if I spew the band I'm in currently.

Sorry but I'm not sure I follow the bit about lawns.  I admit I do like a decent churn of different types of songs to learn.  Keeps things interesting.  Even if it's something I wouldn't necessarily listen to, there's loads of covers I've had to learn which I wouldn't have given the time of day but listen to regularly since learning how to play them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let the covers band run - see if any paying gigs come in but leave it on the backburner and don't pay it much mind....
Dump the originals band #1 and concentrate on the 2nd originals band.
Keep searching for a busier and more fun covers band to join. You can then dump the other covers band if you feel the need.
Job done :)

  • Like 3
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, I'm basically with SP 

work out what you want from each of the bands, and assess whether you honestly think they will be able to provide it for you.

And is there any more that you could be doing to fix it?  Because, pointing no fingers, I've sat in enough rehearsal rooms with band members complaining about this and that that they think the band should be doing more of, who then do absolutely nothing about it, instead waiting for the magic gig fairy to come along and find them the higher profile paying bookings that they think they deserve

There's nothing wrong  in quitting a band if it's not what you want, so don't feel guilty.  What I would suggest is that if you want to leave on good terms (and you may not) is that before you simply text everybody to say you're out, let them all know what you're unhappy about, and see whether they will actually change.  And don't believe them when they all say that they will change, because talk is very, very cheap. Set some goals and deadlines and if they haven't met them they can't say they weren't warned.

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, Stylon Pilson said:

If you want to rescue the covers band, you need to talk to the band leader and agree to replace both of the people who have limited availability. If you don't want to do this, then you might as well get your next covers band lined up, because this one isn't going anywhere.

Thanks for the considered response.  You're right and I've been speaking to the BL about this for a while and I think we're on broadly the same page with what we want from the band.  We did agree to try out new people for both positions and he's supposedly been in talks with a few potential new members and we even auditioned one new guy, who was just awful - which happens. 

It's just that after a couple of months of dissatisfaction with it we aren't getting anywhere.  I messaged him for an update yesterday after a week or two of no contact and he told me he wasn't sure what was happening but that he'd been depping for the other covers band of the band member I think is the problem.  A band I thought had already folded.  So I think that is what made up my mind that the band is probably unfortunately beyond rescuing.

3 minutes ago, Stylon Pilson said:

If it does happen, then you can just say "sorry, I made alternative plans elsewhere as we were gigging and rehearsing so little - if you want to increase our activity, then you'll need to find another bass player to do it with."

I think this is the way I'll proceed with Originals band #1, thanks!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

sounds to me 

cover band. BL heart not in it anymore. This happened to me last year. My band had been going 30 years (4 years with me as BL)

Too much apathy and a Richard of a guitar player, so I let it fizzle out. Said I would honour all booked gigs.

Tell them you are leaving at the end of the year.

Originals band #1. can't be arsed. Just leave, stop wasting your time

 

New orignals band, run with it.

Look for new covers band.

I turned 50 last year and have decided to only gig for fun. I want decent pay too. I'm just not playing for Richard head landlords or Richard head punters.

I gig for pleasure, if I am enjoying it, I put on a better show

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, Monkey Steve said:

And is there any more that you could be doing to fix it?  Because, pointing no fingers, I've sat in enough rehearsal rooms with band members complaining about this and that that they think the band should be doing more of, who then do absolutely nothing about it, instead waiting for the magic gig fairy to come along and find them the higher profile paying bookings that they think they deserve

The BL in the covers band is pretty good at getting gigs so I've stopped trying as after a year of going round to pubs handing out cards and trying to chat people up for it with zero success I gave up!  The problem with that band isn't getting gigs, it's getting the other two to be available to play them.

I've done all the running for gigs for Originals band #1 with only one hit and about twenty misses.  The one hit was excited to have us back and asked us for dates, but I couldn't get any answer about availability out of the other members.  It would help if we had some photos or a video of us playing.  Which I've mentioned several times and is filed under "good idea, let's do that some time" but we don't get together enough to sort it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Unknown_User said:

I've done all the running for gigs for Originals band #1 with only one hit and about twenty misses.  The one hit was excited to have us back and asked us for dates, but I couldn't get any answer about availability out of the other members.  It would help if we had some photos or a video of us playing.  Which I've mentioned several times and is filed under "good idea, let's do that some time" but we don't get together enough to sort it.

bands never work well as a democracy.  They work best as a benevolent dictatorship, and maybe you need to be the dictator.  Don't expect them to get round to the photos and video, tell them all that you're getting it done, and make the arrangements for it,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

31 minutes ago, Unknown_User said:

It's just that after a couple of months of dissatisfaction with it we aren't getting anywhere.  I messaged him for an update yesterday after a week or two of no contact and he told me he wasn't sure what was happening but that he'd been depping for the other covers band of the band member I think is the problem.  A band I thought had already folded.  So I think that is what made up my mind that the band is probably unfortunately beyond rescuing.

Yeah, sounds the the band leader of the covers band doesn't want to be doing it any more. It may be that even if you were to suggest rebooting the band with only eager musicians, he wouldn't go for it. It may be that he wants to just play and let someone else handle the leadership role. In which case, perhaps he'd be willing to pass the leadership mantle to you, and continue in his current capacity as performer and gig-getter. Would you be interested in that?

19 minutes ago, Unknown_User said:

I've done all the running for gigs for Originals band #1 with only one hit and about twenty misses.  The one hit was excited to have us back and asked us for dates, but I couldn't get any answer about availability out of the other members.  It would help if we had some photos or a video of us playing.  Which I've mentioned several times and is filed under "good idea, let's do that some time" but we don't get together enough to sort it.

This is a really toxic situation. Normally, in an originals band, you expect most of the drive to come from the person writing the songs. I say, if the songwriter can't be bothered, then you shouldn't either. Whether you tell them or not, I think it would be most healthy for you to no longer think of yourself as being a member of this band. To be honest, it's likely that at least one of your bandmates is already in this mindset.

S.P.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like 1&2 don't have much drive if any, must be very frustrating as you're obviously juggling a lot of non band stuff and want it to work. 

If you want regular gigs then try to find an opportunity with a well set up covers band that has a lot of bookings. You may need to compromise a bit on taste in set list or location to rehearse but it could still be fun, paid, and scratch the gig itch. 

You've got three kids, form a four piece band. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 minutes ago, uk_lefty said:

If you want regular gigs then try to find an opportunity with a well set up covers band that has a lot of bookings. You may need to compromise a bit on taste in set list or location to rehearse but it could still be fun, paid, and scratch the gig itch.

Yeah this is what I'd like to do.  I'm happy to compromise for the right band.  I don't mind what the set list is for a covers band as long as they've been chosen to get punters enjoying themselves.

21 minutes ago, uk_lefty said:

You've got three kids, form a four piece band. 

They're far too young but believe me I'd love to get them interested in playing instruments.  I keep trying to suggest it in a non-pushy way.  I've offered to teach them, to let them have lessons or to buy them a book so they could learn in their own time.  They just look at me like a smell of gas and decline.  Like the episode of South Park where the kids are all excited about getting high scores on Guitar Hero and Stan's dad comes in to play along on an actual guitar.

Suggestions for how to remedy that are welcome also!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 minutes ago, uk_lefty said:

When you find out please tell me! Mine are 2 and a half and just three weeks. The eldest is left handed though so my GAS is an investment in her future. 

Mine are 11, 9 & 4. Congratulations on the new arrival! Enjoy them before they get too lippy and while you can still pick them up for a hug without doing your back in!

😀

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

All great input above, just to add my 2 cents. 

I was in 2 bands, rockcovers and stoner/rock, doom(original) . Bass in one, guitar in the other. I recently quit the originals as I couldn't write and learn songs and commit to both; I found a replacement before leaving so they weren't stranded. 

Even though the covers band I arrange practices and organise (dictate) what we practice and theres more admin work, as well as telling the guitarists to stop soloing and turn down! I know it's easier for me to learn songs and more potential for paid gigs. Sometimes you have to chose what's better for your life, whether it be money, enjoyment or simplicity. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been vainly trying for years to find a decent band  and have all but given up now. If i was in your  position and have a regular job anyway I'd go for (3) and not worry about the extra dosh. There are always other more guaranteed  ways of getting additional  regular moolah. As long as it's fun is the main thing

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, Unknown_User said:

I'd be interested in that but no idea how I'd get into it.

Get some cards printed. Go watch some cover bands. Work out who the main man is and chat. 

Put cards up in local guitar shop. 

Same as advertising yourself as available to join a band but just not as a permanent player. 

The more bands you play with, the more word will get around. 

I’m playing in a covered band but do the occasional dep for people I’ve played with before or people they know. 

Edited by TimR
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...