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Cheating on your band mates

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10 hours ago, steantval said:

A conflict of interest will occur sometime in the future, it’s what happens when  musicians play in more than one band.

 

Maybe. Maybe not.

A lot of us play in multiple bands with minimal issues. If the main band only gigs once a month there's lots of room for more action!

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9 hours ago, cetera said:

Any musician worth his salt and with time on his hands is often in more than one band. Just remember the rule re: booking clashes.... "First in the diary".

 

+1

 

Expecting someone to be always available for any single band, unless it's *a regular job* is not realistic. If I only gig once a month, I guarantee you that I'm not going to be at home the rest of the time twiddling my thumbs... so what does it matter if I use my spare time playing sudoku, fishing, learning to become a hitman or playing with another band?

If a gig opportunity shows up, I'll check my calendar "hmm, I'm practicing strangling and sniping that evening". If I can change it great, if not I'm just not available. 

I think some people get too precious/possessive about bands without dedicating the time that would justify that. 

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Is the person who hits the drums for you a weekend warrior? He doesn't appear to appreciate things from others' perspective. When I played for a living, I had several bands on the go and did dep/casual gigs, too. You have to if there are bills to pay.

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My main band know I  play a few gigs with other bands and if the calendar says I'm  not available when they're offered a gig, I'm not available. Admittedly, they'll ask if my gig can be changed but if I  say no, then they either try to get the client to change the date, or turn it down. I've played plenty of 100€ per man gigs and had to turn down 300€ per man with our main band but, I  will always honour the gig that I've taken on first.  Even, if it's  a freebie charity gig.

The OP's singer has acted more than fairly in asking in the first place and the OP is being totally reasonable about it all. The drummer however, sounds a bit immature. It's  not cheating and he should be told that he can't dictate what others do in their spare time.

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I've got 2 gigs with one band this weekend and 1 with the other. If the timings had worked out I could have actually done three gigs on Saturday and one on Sunday but have had to drop one on the Saturday evening.

Luckily the main band understand and can operate without a Bass and look my absence  as an opportunity rather than a problem. They know my absence is very infrequent and I can usually do short notice gigs for them as the other band is only a once a month thing.

3 of our 5 piece band are in other bands but these other bands are not as busy as the main band and we've done  a few gigs with at least 1 of them missing. We don't have a drummer anyway and the band can adapt without either lead guitar, banjo or bass if necessary as the 2 singers who play guitar and harp can carry the rest.

It's a nightmare when booking gigs for the band leader knowing you could be a band member missing, but we are structured so we can operate with different size lineups and just treat the songs according to the instrumentation. Appreciate this cannot work for all types of band and music.

Going back to the OP's point, if I was just in my main band I think I'd go crazy: I really need to do different types of material and the challenge of learning a new 40 minute set monthly is very stimulating for me.

 

 

Edited by yorks5stringer

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Use it as an opportunity. The other band may have contacts with other venues you haven't been able to or haven't thought to get in to yet. When there's multi band events then great you can be two of the bands. 

As mentioned before a good drummer is usually the one juggling multiple bands. Unless it's the 70s and you're all living together in a bedsit trying to write songs to change the world then surely its every person for his or herself when not doing the once monthly gig. 

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I'm surprised that TMWHTD is only in one band - one of my MWHTD is in three. In fact in my experience, TMWHTDs are usually the worst tarts of all, touting their dirty skin-slapping skills to all and sundry. Some of them are even in multiple bands!

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My bands are just a hobby for me. A band gigging once a month isn't exactly paying the bills.

If my main band want exclusive access to my bass skills then they can go and pay me a salary, pay for my equipment and the upkeep therein, pay for my transportation and rehearsal costs, and draw up a contract and get me to sign on the line. Oh, and never drown me out at rehearsal or show me the "sick bass line" they came up with that I should adopt. And never touch my gear, ever, for any reason. I don't like greasy marks all over my basses because guitarists think they can slap.

Likely OP's drummer is just jealous that OP has the stones to go and seek out more opportunities, rather than passively waiting for things to pick up. 

Like anything to do with a band, I guess you have to be broadly on the same page. No point having the 21 year old guitarist who wants to quit their fast food job and live in a warehouse and create three hour ambient soundscapes, countered with the 45 year old drummer with a mortgage to worry about. 

I personally have too much bass gear, and too much of a creative itch, to be lumped in with a band that gigs once a never. 

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1 hour ago, uk_lefty said:

Unless it's the 70s and you're all living together in a bedsit trying to write songs to change the world then surely its every person for his or herself when not doing the once monthly gig. 

This is the big change isn't it.  Back in the day I certainly remember the standard attitude matching the offending drummer's, that you were in one band and one band only, and if you wanted to be in a band with other people then you had to leave the one you were currently in.  Because being in a band was potentially a route to fame and fortune, and the band wanted to get signed, release records, go on tour, etc and that meant dedicating all of your musical efforts to it

That's all gone now

Out of interest @BrunoBass is the drummer a man of a certain age?

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IMO all the drummer is doing is pushing the singer toward an ultimatum and if he wants to gig more often than the band he's in does and another comes along offering more gigs then its obvious which way he'll go if given some sort of 'one band only' rule. It's all about time management and sorting your diary out.

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I'm in a band, formed by the singer and guitarist, who are married. 

When I joined the guitarist told me a long story, about how he sacked the old keys player, when he found out he had depped for another band.

What a total d*ckhead!

I had great pleasure telling him that I'd be playing with two other bands as well as his, occasionally, and he better get used to it.

That was 15 years ago and he hasn't sacked me yet.

 

Edited by gjones
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The truth of the matter is that once people start doing other things, it dilutes the original band. Diaries clash and disappointment and dep players get involved. Can't be doing with it. 

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2 minutes ago, 12stringbassist said:

The truth of the matter is that once people start doing other things, it dilutes the original band. Diaries clash and disappointment and dep players get involved. Can't be doing with it. 

I'm sort of with you, being in a band can be sort of like being in a gang, all for one and one for all sort of thing, but it only works like that if you're all in agreement with number of gigs songs to play etc, very rare unfortunately 

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I would need to stop and think pretty seriously if I wanted to count all the bands I have been a member of / played with / depped for over the last 10 years. The number is certainly in double figures, it's just a matter of how far in.

Bands come and go for all sorts of reasons but IME aversion to diary clashes is one of the least frequent of those reasons. I don't get involved with bands who say up front that they want a bassist who is committed/dedicated solely to their band, so the problem only arises with bands who change their minds later. 

Dilution can be an issue ... but it can also be a strength and an opportunity. I have frequently drawn individual band members from one band into another band I'm playing with; sometimes they're still playing with that second band long after I've left it!

Speaking very broadly, it's probably best to avoid generalisations.

;)

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16 minutes ago, 12stringbassist said:

The truth of the matter is that once people start doing other things, it dilutes the original band. Diaries clash and disappointment and dep players get involved. Can't be doing with it. 

So right. When we started out the drummer was in another band. We got a great offer to support a well known band, playing early. But he had a gig with his covers band the same evening. Now we would have been on at 7:30 - 8, his covers band would have started at 9:30. It was a 30min drive between venues. But the other band refused to set everything up, saying they all needed to be there for that, so we didn’t get to do the gig. 

Now there is the argument that he was in the covers band long before we formed, so in reality it was us diluting the covers band, and not long after he did leave as he couldn’t stay in 2 regular gigging bands full time. 

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On 13/09/2019 at 00:08, yorks5stringer said:

.... we've done  a few gigs with at least 1 of them missing. We don't have a drummer anyway and the band can adapt without either lead guitar, banjo or bass if necessary as the 2 singers who play guitar and harp can carry the rest.

 

 

In my view this is a great situation/solution. Do the gig with people who are available. I would love for this to have been the case in some of my previous bands.

Gives the audience more variety as they'll hear different arrangements too.

 

Edit for spelling

Edited by rOB

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I'm in two bands and a duo. There's no issue with either band, and the duo is with Mrs Zero so that's not an issue either. But we do have a slight problem, as the cajon player also plays keyboards for another, higher-profile band, who have started picking up a lot of gigs, and the singer has had to turn down several gigs for next year as there are diary conflicts. So we're faced with the opposite problem, as the singer has told me he knows someone who could dep, but we've got to bring the idea up with our cajon player and we have no idea how he'll react. We are in the fortunate position that it's only the keyboard player and the singer/guitarist who are essential, the cajon player and me can be replaced.

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8 hours ago, tauzero said:

. . . . So we're faced with the opposite problem, as the singer has told me he knows someone who could dep, but we've got to bring the idea up with our cajon player and we have no idea how he'll react. . . . .

No musician should expect to be able to prevent a band from playing a gig because of his diary clashes. If anyone is in more than one band they are, by implication, signing up to the dep system, so tell him you're using a dep for the gigs he can't make. If he doesn't like that tell him to cancel the other gig and do yours.

A few years ago I was in 7 bands and there were clashes between about 4 of them, which were never a problem because there was a hierarchy that everyone understood and accepted, they were managed and there were deps.

Edited by chris_b
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