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Really Annoyed.....Your thought's please!!!!


thebigyin

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The only time I have had to miss a gig was when I was involved in a bike accident and was in a wheel chair for a month or more. I missed two gigs, but it impossible for me to leave the hospital for the first one, and the house the day after discharge but still in the chair and with my right arm in plaster from above the elbow to the fingers for the second. 

Last week I postponed a planned & booked trip to Devon with my wife to celebrate my birthday because we got offered a gig for the same weekend. I didn't even consider letting the band down, just moved the holiday to the next weekend instead. If we get a gig for that weekend as well, then I'll cancel the holiday. Just what your priorities are.

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On 05/09/2019 at 16:28, thebigyin said:

Been practising with an old band I used to be with we re-formed in June this year....3 original members including myself (Vocals/Frontman), things have been going ok, slow but getting there about 16 songs off, I have started booking gigs for next year after everyone was in agreement.
One downside our Guitarist and Drummer are in another band (same band) which obviously we took into consideration, I got us some gigs booked into new year....great....then out the blue the Guitarist who has just retired messaged me saying book gigs but we might have to cancel if they clash with my holidays....I replied no can't do that start cancelling gigs you soon get a bad name give me your holiday dates hopefully they won't clash....by the way they was all ok with dates when given originally.....trouble is he can't give me any holiday dates until next year and some of the dates I have already booked might clash so we might have to cancel.
I wasn't happy so I messaged all members saying i will not book any future gigs until I know everyone's availability and holiday dates....I have messaged venues to cancel the few gigs lined up and apologised luckily given plenty of notice.
Never had this problem years ago when we was originally together but since his retirement the commitments gone, he does very little to promote or help the band and often makes mistakes at rehearsal.
Am I unfair as I told him straight that it's just not on to agree to gigs but if his family want to swan off on hols I have to cancel gigs...not a chance.
Before you say get another Guitarist it's virtually impossible....but it's put a real dampener on things.

Well to complicate the situation even more our Bassist as now jumped on the bandwagon and dropped another bombshell saying he agrees with the Guitarist and will be taking a family holiday and also a motorbike tour of Europe next year but can't give any dates and doesn't see any harm in cancelling gigs....so looks like the beginning of the end for us.....my enthusiasm to carry on is waring very thin.
I have no problem with folks taking holidays as long as I know dates and can work round them....but no way will I book gigs and cancel them. 

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4 hours ago, thebigyin said:

Well to complicate the situation even more our Bassist as now jumped on the bandwagon and dropped another bombshell saying he agrees with the Guitarist and will be taking a family holiday and also a motorbike tour of Europe next year but can't give any dates and doesn't see any harm in cancelling gigs....so looks like the beginning of the end for us.....my enthusiasm to carry on is waring very thin.
I have no problem with folks taking holidays as long as I know dates and can work round them....but no way will I book gigs and cancel them. 

That's awful. You have my sympathies. Cancelling gigs is for when someone is really unwell.

I cancelled one on the day a couple of months back, because my wife had had a routine heart operation (an ablation) in Liverpool that day, and though we were expected to be home late afternoon, so someone could stay with her, we ended up still being in Liverpool 'til 10.30pm. When I got an inkling it was all going wrong as far as going straight home went, I rang and cancelled.

That is when you cancel a gig, not because someone decides that going off in their camper van and telling YOU to ring the venue and cancel, so you look a d*ck instead of them is the way forward.

In 'my' band, we put our not available dates in, as far as is practicable. I have blocked the same sets of weeks for the next 3 years - same as I did when I was at work. We don't play on our birthdays, other halves birthdays and wedding anniversaries as a rule. We are all fairly skint, so we are gig hounds. Our date list is quite good. I'm lucky to be in a band with two guys who are on the same page.

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What people are saying is that other people are A PROBLEM.
The easiest way to solve a problem is to REMOVE THE PROBLEM.

Removing a problem may indeed cause a bit of stress, but replacing the faulty part with a new one generally makes the machine work. No pain, no gain.

Edited by 12stringbassist
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5 minutes ago, Lozz196 said:

They’re playing at it, aren’t they. I’d simply say fair enough, when you don’t turn up for a gig that we’ve booked because you’ve decided to go on holiday we accept your resignation at that point. 

They are saying "You and the band are less important than going off for a weekend of drinking and bunking up with the Mrs". They may even have a point.

Using the babel fish to translate that though, I get the wording "PLEASE SACK ME BEFORE I F*** THIS BAND ENTIRELY". The babel fish is very reliable. It knows, you know...

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5 minutes ago, 12stringbassist said:

What people are saying is that other people are A PROBLEM.
The easiest way to solve a problem is to REMOVE THE PROBLEM.

Removing a problem may indeed cause a bit of stress, but replacing the faulty part with a new one generally makes the machine work. No pain, no gain.

You are right, but as someone who spent almost 2 years trying to find a capable guitarist it’s easier said than done, especially if you have gigs booked and need to honour them.

Another attitude I’ve come across is to just tell the agents we are busy when they call up. Ok, that’s fine with the agents, but ive not invested all that time and money to pretend I’m out gigging and to be sitting at home on a Saturday evening. 

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This situation is the difference between players who are serious about playing in bands and players who see playing in bands as a bit of occasional and inconsequential fun.

Those aims are like oil and water and will never mix.

If the band has momentum, is a gigging unit and has gigs in the diary then replace (temporarily or permanently) the guys who are not sufficiently interested in the band.

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5 hours ago, thebigyin said:

Well to complicate the situation even more our Bassist as now jumped on the bandwagon and dropped another bombshell saying he agrees with the Guitarist and will be taking a family holiday and also a motorbike tour of Europe next year but can't give any dates and doesn't see any harm in cancelling gigs....so looks like the beginning of the end for us.....my enthusiasm to carry on is waring very thin.
I have no problem with folks taking holidays as long as I know dates and can work round them....but no way will I book gigs and cancel them. 

Sorry to say it @thebigyin but this is dead in the water pal. 😥

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8 hours ago, chris_b said:

This situation is the difference between players who are serious about playing in bands and players who see playing in bands as a bit of occasional and inconsequential fun.

Those aims are like oil and water and will never mix.

 

I agree with this 100%.

I was, and am in the latter category, and was perfectly upfront about that fact before our band even got together. 

I'd also be in agreement with the O P's guitarist and bass player. Although I wouldn't want to be cancelling gigs. I wouldn't want to commit to a gig months in advance either when holidays often work around booking them at the right time and at the right price, which is sometimes last minute. But I also wouldn't expect the rest of the band to put themselves on hold if the band is their priority, which is the reason I left my band. It would be different if it was a living, but if it's just a hobby or a bit of pocket money? 

As Chris says above. Oil and water. Other than not taking bookings more than a couple of weeks in advance. Sadly, I don't think there's really a way forward when everyone is on a different page. 

Trying to get everyone in a band to agree is like simultaneously herding cats and plaiting fog.

This will be me at my next gig. 

 

onemanband.png

Edited by Newfoundfreedom
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What strikes me as the most 'wrong' thing the guitarist and bass player are doing is expecting the OP to book gigs on the basis that they can then cancel them nearer the time if it doesn't suit them. That simply isn't going to work. No band I have been in has ever cancelled a gig, simply because it lets people down and gets the band a bad name. 

My band has a google calendar and we all input dates that we are not available for - mainly other gigs as some of the guys play in other bands. I quit my other bands to concentrate on this one. I arrange holidays for dates on which other band members are already unavailable, to avoid clashing with potential gig or rehearsal dates. I would only cancel for a serious medical emergency that rendered me physically unable to attend or play. Even when I was taking my wife for radiotherapy for three weeks, we arranged for someone else to drive her on the one day I had a gig to play. In fact, she organised the replacement driver herself, as she wouldn't dream of asking me to give up a gig like that.

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Well folks the Guitarist quit last night via message....I tried to get a meet up over weekend just gone but he was to busy....tried to get a meeting tomorrow what would of been a rehearsal but won't reply...never mind back to the grind as they say, many thanks to everyone who replied I appreciate your comments.

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9 minutes ago, thebigyin said:

Well folks the Guitarist quit last night via message....I tried to get a meet up over weekend just gone but he was to busy....tried to get a meeting tomorrow what would of been a rehearsal but won't reply...never mind back to the grind as they say, many thanks to everyone who replied I appreciate your comments.

Sorry to hear that mate. But from what you'd said it was looking like it was going to be fairly inevitable. At least you know where you stand now. Fingers crossed that you can find a replacement. 

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2 minutes ago, Newfoundfreedom said:

Sorry to hear that mate. But from what you'd said it was looking like it was going to be fairly inevitable. At least you know where you stand now. Fingers crossed that you can find a replacement. 

the way it's looking you they'll need a bass player as well, it's tough finding other people who are all singing from the same hymn sheet

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34 minutes ago, thebigyin said:

Well folks the Guitarist quit last night via message....I tried to get a meet up over weekend just gone but he was to busy....tried to get a meeting tomorrow what would of been a rehearsal but won't reply...never mind back to the grind as they say, many thanks to everyone who replied I appreciate your comments.

Good luck  Mr Yin.

I hope everything works out as you would want smiley

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Unfortunately, the band scene seems increasingly populated by people with the sense of entitlement that they can mess the band leader and/or gig getter and other band members around and we'll just happily take it on the chin to keep the peace.

I folded my tribute band in May this year having had a gutfull of this behaviour from our singer and keyboardist who between them had wiped out the summer - the peak festival season.  Our gig getter was practically having to beat off gig bookings with a sh***y stick.  It reached the point where venue or event managers couldn't understand why we had a fairly empty gig calendar,  yet were turning down their bookings.

I'm still bandless and the experience has not only taken away any desire to start another project, but left me jaded with the idea of even joining another band.

Bands seem to bring out both the best and the worst in people. 

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7 hours ago, thebigyin said:

Well folks the Guitarist quit last night via message....I tried to get a meet up over weekend just gone but he was to busy....tried to get a meeting tomorrow what would of been a rehearsal but won't reply...never mind back to the grind as they say, many thanks to everyone who replied I appreciate your comments.

Gutted for you pal but this was headed for a “save the last bullet for yourself scenario”. 

Out of interest why is it so hard for you to get other muso’s.  I don’t know Darlington but I know it’s inhabited? 

Annoyed For You of Wigan  

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Thanks again everyone....it seems according to the Guitarist that i'm the one at Fault as I take it too seriously, I have been in and out of bands since '79....played in first gigging band in 81....either has mainly singer/frontman and a few bands as bassist so getting on nearly 40 years played 100s of gigs in about 8 or 9 bands.
But apparently i'm to serious and intense oh well....sounds bigheaded but there loss.

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5 minutes ago, Les said:

Gutted for you pal but this was headed for a “save the last bullet for yourself scenario”. 

Out of interest why is it so hard for you to get other muso’s.  I don’t know Darlington but I know it’s inhabited? 

Annoyed For You of Wigan  

Hi Les,
It's North East Lincolnshire I live in Grimsby....unfortunately all the old school musos are either retired or in there last bands...not many decent or committed musicians about to be honest....used to be great in 70s/80s but it's not so good nowadays sadly. 

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4 minutes ago, thebigyin said:

Hi Les,
It's North East Lincolnshire I live in Grimsby....unfortunately all the old school musos are either retired or in there last bands...not many decent or committed musicians about to be honest....used to be great in 70s/80s but it's not so good nowadays sadly. 

Ah right. Dunno where I got Darlington from. Bummer. 

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13 hours ago, thebigyin said:

Well folks the Guitarist quit last night via message....I tried to get a meet up over weekend just gone but he was to busy....tried to get a meeting tomorrow what would of been a rehearsal but won't reply...never mind back to the grind as they say, many thanks to everyone who replied I appreciate your comments.

At least you know where you are up to with him now.
People who thinking blowing gigs out are a waste of time.
I don't think much of people who are in more than one band either.

Edited by 12stringbassist
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On 10/09/2019 at 09:14, thebigyin said:

Well folks the Guitarist quit last night via message....I tried to get a meet up over weekend just gone but he was to busy....tried to get a meeting tomorrow what would of been a rehearsal but won't reply...never mind back to the grind as they say, many thanks to everyone who replied I appreciate your comments.

Sorry to hear that but i think its for the best. It might put the band back for a while but less stress for you and maybe a more harmonious band going forward.

My guitarist turned up to rehearsals last night carrying a guitar without a case. 'guess what i forgot' he says.....'your guitar case' i replied....'nope, my guitar, just had to hire this one from the studio'  😂  He only lives about 15mins away, drives, and has at least 8 guitars. The mind boggles.

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While I'm sure that the OP was nothing but diplomatic and sensible in his dealings (and really, the whole issue of wanting to book gigs and then cancel them once his holiday is arranged, that's just out of order) a mate tells me of one of his former bands where the entire band except the BL quit purely because of the BL's blind dedication to the band. 

My mate had departed a couple of years previously on good terms, but noted at the time that the semi-retired BL was happy to live in the back of a transit and devote all of his spare time to the band, and didn't seem to allow for the rest of the band having jobs and needing to get up for work five days a week. the band was actually doing very well - loads of gigs, albums released, management in place, but it wasn't a living for any of them, and it seemed that the BL's attitude ground them all down over time

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