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Another Shocking Legal Case


Stub Mandrel
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The worlds of food and music have collided in the American Law Courts.

Rickenbanger have issued a global writ against anyone eating 'essentially cylindrical non-meat products' that copy their trademark shape. Industry rivals Steinburger are set to launch a co-ordinated bid to ban vegetarian and vegan 'burgers'.

Vegetarians and vegans have been told to compost any of the suspect food items or risk prosecution. Even ancient 'soyburgers' and so-called 'soysages' are covered by the action; this morning bailiff entered a whole-food cafe in Chicago to padlock three suspected chest freezers. Similar action is expected in the UK, following a raft of take-down notices which have eliminated vegetarian recipes from food websites across the internet.

A Rickenbanger representative said "Our sausages are known world-wide for their unique shape, which immediately signals to the buyer the rich and carefully crafted blend of offal, breadcrumbs and and nitrites in our products".

A spokesman from Rickenbanger said "It's time the industry struck back, just because people want to eat food that's healthy and affordable doesn't give them the right to eat, especially if that food is a blatant rip-off of our signature product".

Challenged that this move leaves vegetarians and vegans the facing a stark choice between starvation and a life of penury, the spokesman replied "If these bleeding heart liberal commies really want to fill their distended bellies, they can eat McDonald's Veggie Patties, as they don't legally count as food."

Attempts to establish a black market trade in veggie food online was swiftly quashed. Farcebook spokesman Mark Zuckerburger said "Our rapid action proves that we have the capability to act when a serious threat to morality appears on our site - especially when it brings the threat of corporate legal action, unlike minor issues such as the exploitation of minors, who are too young to sue us".

Civil disturbance and rioting are not expected, because of the weak and feeble condition of people raised on a diet without meat.

<ends>

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11 hours ago, Stub Mandrel said:

The worlds of food and music have collided in the American Law Courts.

Rickenbanger have issued a global writ against anyone eating 'essentially cylindrical non-meat products' that copy their trademark shape. Industry rivals Steinburger are set to launch a co-ordinated bid to ban vegetarian and vegan 'burgers'.

Vegetarians and vegans have been told to compost any of the suspect food items or risk prosecution. Even ancient 'soyburgers' and so-called 'soysages' are covered by the action; this morning bailiff entered a whole-food cafe in Chicago to padlock three suspected chest freezers. Similar action is expected in the UK, following a raft of take-down notices which have eliminated vegetarian recipes from food websites across the internet.

A Rickenbanger representative said "Our sausages are known world-wide for their unique shape, which immediately signals to the buyer the rich and carefully crafted blend of offal, breadcrumbs and and nitrites in our products".

A spokesman from Rickenbanger said "It's time the industry struck back, just because people want to eat food that's healthy and affordable doesn't give them the right to eat, especially if that food is a blatant rip-off of our signature product".

Challenged that this move leaves vegetarians and vegans the facing a stark choice between starvation and a life of penury, the spokesman replied "If these bleeding heart liberal commies really want to fill their distended bellies, they can eat McDonald's Veggie Patties, as they don't legally count as food."

Attempts to establish a black market trade in veggie food online was swiftly quashed. Farcebook spokesman Mark Zuckerburger said "Our rapid action proves that we have the capability to act when a serious threat to morality appears on our site - especially when it brings the threat of corporate legal action, unlike minor issues such as the exploitation of minors, who are too young to sue us".

Civil disturbance and rioting are not expected, because of the weak and feeble condition of people raised on a diet without meat.

<ends>

Hahahahaha!

What a load of snorkers.

Edited by SpondonBassed
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