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Bluewine

Your Worst Gig Ever

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1 hour ago, FinnDave said:

I almost certain this is the same guy I played with for a couple of months when I first moved back to the UK, so early 2013. I remember his vast collection of guitars and his inability to play any of them. A low point was reached when I had to tune the chosen guitar of the day for him.

Best day was when he 'auditioned' another drummer because our usual guy had ducked out of a rehearsal as he had family over from Australia, and the 'new' drummer turned it to be a consummate pro. After 3 or 4 numbers with the two us trying not to laugh he told them they were wasting his time and started to pack up, and said they were all useless feckers, except the bass player (didn't make me too popular!). Apparently he was receivingthreatening emails from the Merc driving (I did see him in at least one) martial arts expert ex-school inspector for weeks afterwards. Sound familiar?

I've since played a few deep gigs with the drummer, and ran into the fantasy guitarist in the old PMT shop in Oxford. He recognised and insisted on showing me how they were doing certain songs by then ( a year or two later). His playing was still unbelievably bad, he had to put his left hand finger in the right place on the fretboard with has right hand before he started! Total nutcase.

Initials R.G?

Yes, yes!  It floods back!  He drove a knackered old blue S class that the back doors were jammed shut on.  It must have been 6 years ago I ran into him, we moved away.

I remember him also insisting on doing a 'solo' gig, acoustic at a local beer festival - I cannot imagine the trauma suffered by the revelers.  He used to do this thing when he played guitar of multiple downward strums on the syncopation at every opportunity, he really could not play the instrument and had little in terms of 'a sense of rhythm'.

We should start a fund for musicians who have been affected by this guy.

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We must have nearly crossed paths, I was with them for a few weeks 6 years ago. He was a shockingly, unbelievably bad guitarist, so sense of time or of anything else!

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1 minute ago, FinnDave said:

We must have nearly crossed paths, I was with them for a few weeks 6 years ago. He was a shockingly, unbelievably bad guitarist, so sense of time or of anything else!

Yes, we must have.  I managed 2 weeks - rehearsal at a run down rehearsal space in Uxbridge and then The White Bear pub 'gig/rehearsal'

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Yeah, I remember the rehearsal place in Uxbridge, and the drive home to the other side of Oxford in the rush hour afterwards! I'd only been back in the country a few weeks after many years abroad, so didn't know anyone. I think I lasted about 4 weeks, I bailed when the pro drummer came in told them some home truths, I couldn't keep a straight face after that.

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Another one with the same band as my last post. In fact it was almost definitely the next gig we played. 

Coventry University Christmas Party in the new Student Union building. We were support to an up and coming indie band that I'd heard of at the time but can't recall the name of 20+ years later. Impressive venue with a big stage and a massive and very loud PA. However none the the audience were in the slightest bit interested in live music. They were there to get drunk, throw themselves around the dance floor and hopefully get off with someone they'd been fancying all term. We were an inconvenience in this mating ritual. As we came on the dance floor cleared and we did our set to complete indifference, the moment we finished and DJ started up the dance floor was full again. The headliners despite being a "proper" signed band didn't fair any better. In our hurry to get away at the end of the evening we left the hard drive for the sampler and most of the framework for our backdrop behind and had to go back to Coventry the following day to collect them.

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6 hours ago, FinnDave said:

I remember a gig a few years ago where someone put their (full) pint on the drummer's crash cymbal. It was immediately obvious that it had very little to offer as a table. Annoyed punter had lost his pint, and annoyed drummer had beer on his kit. I think the gig went downhill from there.

I once gave this guy a mouthful when he crashed headlong into our gear, leaving a chip in our drummers kit. He sheepishly apologised and it was only later that I found out from someone else that it was some cow  that had pushed the guy. She never apologised! 

Edited by ubit

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5 hours ago, FinnDave said:

Yeah, I remember the rehearsal place in Uxbridge, and the drive home to the other side of Oxford in the rush hour afterwards! I'd only been back in the country a few weeks after many years abroad, so didn't know anyone. I think I lasted about 4 weeks, I bailed when the pro drummer came in told them some home truths, I couldn't keep a straight face after that.

He’s at it again, judging by a google search.  Looking for bass and keys...

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1 hour ago, gpw5150 said:

He’s at it again, judging by a google search.  Looking for bass and keys...

Hopefully there'll be a few bass payers on here warned off - if anyone is considering it, just don't! The man is a total fantasist.

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18 hours ago, taunton-hobbit said:

Whenever I've had an 'issue' at gigs, it's always been some female at the back of it - never fails!

😎

There speaks the truth and t'was ever thus!

B. B. King famously named his primary guitars Lucille. Back in the 1930's rural Mississippi he was playing a gig in some road house. There was no power so the light and heat was provided by open barrels of lighting oil that were simply lit on fire. Two blokes got to fighting over some woman and they knocked one of these barrels over setting fire to the place. Everyone ran out of the place and it was only when he got outside B. B. realised he had left his guitar inside. As it was his only way of supporting his family he ran back inside to get his guitar. Inside the flames were worse but he saw that the two men were still fightin! He picked up his guitar and ran back out and then the building collapsed, killing the two men inside.

He asked the name of the women the men were fighting over. She was called "Lucille".

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5 minutes ago, Deanol said:

Back in the 1930's rural Mississippi

I believe it was in Arkansas in 1949, but that's arguably just nitpicking.

S.P.

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Mine was a Greek wedding function gig where we used a couple of deps who reassured us they were au fait with the repertoire. 

One of the deps was a keyboard player - this guy was asking me for an E note and sticking a screwdriver in the back of his ancient keyboard and turning it to tune the bloody thing. I was using a guitar synth as part of my rig and had better sounds than him. That keyboard of his just made an awful sound.

Anyway, it wasn't our finest hour but it didn't help that the crowd were pretty hostile, rude and there were problems between the Bride and Groom's respective families, which became evident throughout the evening when a couple of squabbles took place outside.

Of course, we did our usual thing of placing business cards on the tables as that normally gets us a couple of enquiries or bookings. Big mistake as it had a couple of our mobile numbers on there. Well, from more or less the minute we finished, and for a good few days later, we were getting prank calls with a common one being 'Do you do funerals'?

It was a Greek Tragedy! Name of the band, Jason (the singer's name) & The Argonauts.

 

Edited by Kebabkid
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2 minutes ago, taunton-hobbit said:

As in 'You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille'?

😎

It was actually a song about his Cuban shoes that were en vogue at the time. He had damaged the heel of one of them and just as he was about to walk on for his encore the loose heel fell off. 

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6 minutes ago, ubit said:

It was actually a song about his Cuban shoes that were en vogue at the time. He had damaged the heel of one of them and just as he was about to walk on for his encore the loose heel fell off. 

Badum-tish ;)

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1 minute ago, Teebs said:

Badum-tish ;)

Whyaaaaii thank you 😂

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9 minutes ago, ubit said:

Whyaaaaii thank you 😂

Please make them stop.....

I thought it was about fishing in Norfolk using an old guitar as a fishing pole and loosing an Eel.....

Since ma baby left me,

Ay go fishin all the time

I don't have no kit

An ol' geetar done be my prime

I caught me an Eel, slippery soul to go

Oooooh Loose Eel.....Ooooh Loose Eel

Edited by gpw5150
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5 minutes ago, gpw5150 said:

 

Please make them stop.....

I thought it was about fishing in Norfolk using an old guitar as a fishing pole and and loosing an Eel.....

:on_the_quiet:

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