KingPrawn Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 In advance thank you for listening to my rant. Ive been playing with a few guys for years in various forms. However our drummer in a newish venture is starting to upset my equilibrium . He's a real passive aggressive personality and whilst he gives the external impression he's laid back and believes in majority rule. If he doesn't get his own way regarding song choice, set list etc he struggles to maintain the facade. For me at this stage in my musical journey, i want good times. Playing music people enjoy a few bob in my pocket that goes towards kids Uni fees etc. I spent a few hour putting together a basic clip thing to stick on the tube to entice punter/ gaffer of venues to at least consider us. i sent it to the band, got plenty of americanisms etc in return. we discussed it at a gig, all was expectable, although i had this nagging thought in my head that the universe was not balanced. sure enough the next day he submitted his version of the same clips. lasting longer than a Lord of the Rings film. Is there a Holy Grail of band harmony? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lozz196 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 There is, it`s inevitable that some will have different ideas to the others, but for me majority rules. Plus if you have band members that are all committed to the band always try to hold the thought that if someone has a different opinion it`s cos that`s what they think is best for the band, not that they are wanting to rubbish anothers input. In the band i`m in we pretty much all go for the positive, if someone thinks of something we give it a go, if it works great, if it doesn`t then learn from it. Sadly it`s the first band I`ve been in that`s like that and I had to wait until I was near 50 before joining. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimR Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Play him at his own game. Ignore his clip, post yours and if he complains say there were no complaints about the first one. Unfortunately, you still come across this type of behaviour with men in their 40s. You need to develop a strategy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 (edited) I guess it depends on what ones role is in a band. In my band my role is to show up at gigs, help set up, play electric bass guitar and sing backing vocols, bring and convey a positive fun attitude, and help tear down. I don't offer or suggest songs, marketing strategies,sound or other production ideas. Keep in mind that was my choice, the role that I chose. There are others in the band that are probably more effective offering assistance in those areas. With that being said, if I ever join another band and depending on the band I might want to contribute in those areas. It might be a part if the terms that I would accept an offer. Blue Edited September 25, 2017 by blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmccombe7 Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Oddly enough i thought i had found that ideal band last year. All the guys were likeable, pretty laid back and pretty talented. Today the guitarist announced he had enough and his heart wasn't in it anymore. As he was the main founder of the band and probably the leader when i joined i didn't see the point in continuing without him so the band has folded by looks of it. So its onwards and upwards to the next project or adventure in this Game of Musical chairs. I dream of finding the band will last the test of time but as i get older i fear that the chances are getting slimmer by the day Dave Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 [quote name='dmccombe7' timestamp='1506385051' post='3378403'] Oddly enough i thought i had found that ideal band last year. All the guys were likeable, pretty laid back and pretty talented. Today the guitarist announced he had enough and his heart wasn't in it anymore. As he was the main founder of the band and probably the leader when i joined i didn't see the point in continuing without him so the band has folded by looks of it. So its onwards and upwards to the next project or adventure in this Game of Musical chairs. I dream of finding the band will last the test of time but as i get older i fear that the chances are getting slimmer by the day Dave Dave [/quote] Dave Finding 4 people in all aspects of a band all on the same page is nearly imposible. I found those 4 people 6 years ago. In my location I know when and if this band folds, I'm done. Finding a focused working band with experience Musicians that understand gigging for profit band culture and how to be in a band just wouldn't happen. Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimBobTTD Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 [quote name='KingPrawn' timestamp='1506373033' post='3378345'] In advance thank you for listening to my rant. [...] i sent it to the band, got plenty of americanisms etc in return. [...] [/quote] Ha! I shall pinch that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazzbass Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 (edited) play with adults I mean people near or over 50. I love my current bandmates. Democracy. We all pitch in,we all look for gigs, we all enjoy each others company..... We ALL listen to each other, give room to shine to each member and never overplay. I'm giving them all a hug tomorrow after reading these kinds of posts hehe Edited September 26, 2017 by bazztard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phil.c60 Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 [quote name='dmccombe7' timestamp='1506385051' post='3378403'] Oddly enough i thought i had found that ideal band last year. All the guys were likeable, pretty laid back and pretty talented. Today the guitarist announced he had enough and his heart wasn't in it anymore. As he was the main founder of the band and probably the leader when i joined i didn't see the point in continuing without him so the band has folded by looks of it. So its onwards and upwards to the next project or adventure in this Game of Musical chairs. I dream of finding the band will last the test of time but as i get older i fear that the chances are getting slimmer by the day Dave Dave [/quote] Dave - I don't get this. If the rest of the band are great and want to continue, why not run an ad and get a new guy? We had the same thing with our guitar/vox who decided he didn't want to do it anymore. It was his band originally, I joined a year or two before, and the harmonica player was new. Harp player and I decided to take the band on, recruited a new front man and went out and found some gigs. We're still doing it two and a half years later. With a different drummer, but that's another story. Come to think of it perhaps we should rename the band "Triggers Broom" ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dropzone Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Post both see which gets the most hits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uk_lefty Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 I think with a lot of bands, even busy gigging bands earning good money, but not a full professional band, you often get this. We all love our music but have annoying day jobs to pay our mortgages and anchor us in to societal acceptance. That means that when it's band time, or sport time, or whatever we do as hobbies, some people can't contain their excitement and their imagination for what they want the band to be and they can rub everyone else up the wrong way. That's my view anyway. Seen it before with people, not all delusional like the woman who had never been in a band but her boyfriend said she was a good singer and she scolded me for focussing on trying to play junior international sport rather than be on a band with her... Some are just people who are way too keen, like the drummer who loved our talking heads covers and thought playing Robbie Williams' let me entertain you would be a perfect song to add to the set... I guess it's so hard to find your perfect band you end up kissing a lot of frogs. I love my current band and nobody is fifty years old... Yet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trueno Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 [quote name='bazztard' timestamp='1506402122' post='3378412'] play with adults I mean people near or over 50. I love my current bandmates. Democracy. We all pitch in,we all look for gigs, we all enjoy each others company..... We ALL listen to each other, give room to shine to each member and never overplay. I'm giving them all a hug tomorrow after reading these kinds of posts hehe [/quote] Sounds like heaven... and the only scenario that would entice me back into a band. Give them a hug from me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulWarning Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 the diplomatic skills of Henry Kissinger are needed sometimes and everybody is different, me and the singer can have a blazing row and be fine with each other later, do the same with the guitarist and he'll threaten to quit the band, I have learnt that you shouldn't don't argue with emails/texts, make sure all the band are there when making contentious decisions and go with the consensus, and don't raise your voice, oh yeah, and pick your battles, give in sometimes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osiris Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 (edited) [quote name='KingPrawn' timestamp='1506373033' post='3378345'] Is there a Holy Grail of band harmony? [/quote] Yes there is, but like the legendary grail it seems to elude most that seek it. It sounds like most of us commenting on this thread have been around the block a few times and are just looking to make some music and have a good time doing it. I've been playing and gigging with bands for more than 30 years now and have played with all manner of assorted idiots, egotists etc. in that time. Some of them talented, some not, most usually deluded in some way. But I have at last struck gold with the band I'm with now, and have been for the past 6 or 7 years (about 5 years with the current line up). We're all of a similar temperament, all have full time jobs, 4 of the 5 of us have kids and most importantly, we all want to have a good time making music. So we're all in a similar position and have similar demands on our lives. Yes, we all have an off day now and again but they are few and far between and we have all leaned how to deal with each other and the situations when they do occur. Musically, I don't care for some of the stuff we play, I probably wouldn't go home and listen to some of it, other than learning and practising the tracks. But - and this is the deal breaker for me - the others in the band are a real pleasure to play with and we all enjoy what we do and respect one another. And to me that far out ways the urge to play songs of my choosing. So yes, it does exist, but is a vary rare animal indeed. Sounds like it might be worth sticking with the other guys and trying to get another guitarist in. Good luck whatever decision you make. Edited September 26, 2017 by Osiris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skidder652003 Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 If it works on stage, they like you, pay you and ask you back then a little compromise goes a long way. I dont really mix too much with the other guys in the band apart from rehersals and gigs, maybe a drink at christmas but on stage we all get on like best mates and thats want the punters see and like. The drummer in your band sounds like a bit of a plonker but sometimes its worth shrugging it off to get the job done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EliasMooseblaster Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 [quote name='KingPrawn' timestamp='1506373033' post='3378345'] ...He's a real passive aggressive personality and whilst he gives the external impression he's laid back and believes in majority rule. If he doesn't get his own way regarding song choice, set list etc he struggles to maintain the facade... [/quote] Christ, this sounds horribly familiar. Is this trait unique to drummers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingPrawn Posted September 26, 2017 Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 [quote name='EliasMooseblaster' timestamp='1506430877' post='3378667'] Christ, this sounds horribly familiar. Is this trait unique to drummers? [/quote] 😀 Maybe! They are an odd bunch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmccombe7 Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 (edited) [quote name='phil.c60' timestamp='1506419672' post='3378542'] Dave - I don't get this. If the rest of the band are great and want to continue, why not run an ad and get a new guy? We had the same thing with our guitar/vox who decided he didn't want to do it anymore. It was his band originally, I joined a year or two before, and the harmonica player was new. Harp player and I decided to take the band on, recruited a new front man and went out and found some gigs. We're still doing it two and a half years later. With a different drummer, but that's another story. Come to think of it perhaps we should rename the band "Triggers Broom" ! [/quote] Did consider that but it would mean starting from scratch with a new guitarist however long that might take. Add to that i need to travel 45 miles each way along twisty narrow country roads to get to rehearsals and that's a total travel time 2.5hrs. We were almost at the gigging stage or not far away so it was gonna be worth the driving but to keep on for another ??? months and not know whether new guy would fit in i just decided it wasn't worthwhile. Another offer came along where i was back to playing classic rock again for a band that have been doing large biker festivals and some decent gigs out there. It just seemed the right time to move on. The rest of the band were circa 65-70. Only the kys player was around 30 (guitarists son) The band were also from a small border town in Scotland and had trouble getting people to travel there. They didn't want to travel to rehearsals as they had their own rehearsal room. Dave Edited September 26, 2017 by dmccombe7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Burrito Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 I think bands all have their ways and if it is less enjoyable, you move on. The cliche about a 4 or 5 way marriage has a lot of truth and there are always egos, including our own. I've been very lucky with my last few bands but it isn't always plain sailing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrtcat Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 [quote name='dmccombe7' timestamp='1506385051' post='3378403'] As he was the main founder of the band and probably the leader when i joined i didn't see the point in continuing without him [/quote] The guy that started our band who led us to our first gig quit after 6 weeks. We've been together 12 yrs and have done over 900 gigs. Don't quit yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FinnDave Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 I fell on my feet when I came back from Finland nearly five years ago and started looking for a band here. After a couple of non-starters, I answered an ad on 'Join My Band' and we've been playing together now for 4 1/2 years and I can honestly say the band are like a family to me. Like any family we have some minor disagreements now and then, usually as a result of outside influences, but the four of us are pretty solid. Mind you, I've been playing in bands on and off since my teens and I'm nearly 60 now - my current band is the most friendly, most musically satisfying and longest lasting I've found! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmccombe7 Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 [quote name='FinnDave' timestamp='1506452002' post='3378895'] I fell on my feet when I came back from Finland nearly five years ago and started looking for a band here. After a couple of non-starters, I answered an ad on 'Join My Band' and we've been playing together now for 4 1/2 years and I can honestly say the band are like a family to me. Like any family we have some minor disagreements now and then, usually as a result of outside influences, but the four of us are pretty solid. Mind you, I've been playing in bands on and off since my teens and I'm nearly 60 now - my current band is the most friendly, most musically satisfying and longest lasting I've found! [/quote] I'm jealous I'm also heading towards 60 but age thing has actually worked in my favour over past few years as some of the bands that contacted me were same age and wanted to keep it that way. There seems to be a certain age group that came thru rock music and we are all sticking together At the end of the day another band got in touch with me and it all sort of has worked out ......or hopefully will work out when i meet them. I think i'm a reasonably easy guy to get along with but then again maybe i'm the common denominator in the failed bands .........awe feck hadn't thought of that. Well done FinnDave and now i know how you got your BC name. Nice one. Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FinnDave Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 I guess we're all heading towards 60 ( or away from it) but some of us are closer to it than others! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 (edited) [quote name='FinnDave' timestamp='1506455225' post='3378914'] I guess we're all heading towards 60 ( or away from it) but some of us are closer to it than others! [/quote] I think for those of us over 60, baby boomers there is always going to be different opportunities to play with older guys. There are so many of us that started playing when we were kids and we haven't thrown in the towel yet. I don't think it will be the same for younger generations. There won't be as many of you. Blue Edited September 26, 2017 by blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmccombe7 Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Yep but our generation still think we are 20-ish (mentally at least) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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