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Are You Friends With Your Band Members?


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[quote name='Ticktock' timestamp='1414138686' post='2586215']
...do tell about this pretending to like football. I'm 45 and still can't bluff that one!
[/quote]

I just can't bring myself to do it. The worst thing is when someone assumes that because I'm a man I must be into football. As soon as possible I'll say, 'I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about football, and I care about it even less'. This generally results in a funny look and/or swift departure of the football fan. Good riddance, I say - avoids wasting time talking to idiots! :D *Awaits football fan backlash*

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Yes.

We're all early to mid 30's now, but have been playing together in bands in one guise or another since we were 16 / 17.

We have and do play in other bands with other people too, but we are most certainly mates.

We socialise with each other outside of the band (infrequently as we're quite busy with the band) and with a wider circle of 'muso' type mates.

It might appear a bit incestuous really, but there's a large group of mates from 'way back when', we all get on, help each others bands out etc and regularly dep with our different bands.

It's quite nice actually, although there are inevitable fall outs too!!

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I've been friends with the guitarist in my band for about 20yrs. one just over one just under. With the one just under, every band I've ever been in since meeting him has contained both of us. The other guy has been in and out of bands I've been in and we've both always worked together in professional shows (musical theatre). The singer is an ex girlfriend from about 15 yrs ago and my wife's best friend. The drummer is a guy with worked with over the last few yrs, owns a studio and rehearsal room. We all get on great, it's not been together long in it's current state with drummer drummer and 2nd guitarist but it's fast becoming the best band I've ever been in.

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My band that recently imploded was made up of my friends one I've known for nearly 40 years! as I'm the common link between all the members it made the break-up a bit difficult for me as I didn't want to loose friends over 'musical differences'

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I am not at all fussed about friends in a band as you'll probably have a crisis at some point.
I pick the members of band chemistry and of course, you need people to be professional
about things but I fully expect bust-ups but not to throw toys out of the pan.
I think bands have a finite life and thne you change things move on and that must be forward,
and then you can't go any further.

I've just left my current band for those reasons so I am preparing ideas for the next unit.
If the new band is not an improvement then I've learnt nothing and it wont work....but I'll know that
straight away and so I don't go down many blind alleys in this regard.

I don't do nostalgia reunions just for the sake of it... it needs to work, and the reason I left that outfit
is also probably going to be the reason I wont go back...

So, I need to be friendly in a band but I don't look to use life long friends... but I would class them as musical 'friends'
so altho I'll have adrink at a gig.. there would be pretty rare occasions where we socialise without it being a band day.
Respect and professionalism is what I look for... after the musical chemistry bit.

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I play in bands for fun, so I try and be friends with other band members. I have little fun if I can't relax and enjoy the (musical) company of others.

If I was doing it for a living, I would be a little more prone to do the job without necessarily enjoying it very much. Having said that, some of my friend are work colleagues, and I get on with almost everyone here.

My covers band has been going for nearly 10 years, and I see some of the band members on social occasions every now and again. Sometimes we do band outings, we go to a gig together, or for a meal. Very civilised and friendly.

I am an all-round nice guy :)

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[quote name='razze06' timestamp='1414141890' post='2586273']
I play in bands for fun, so I try and be friends with other band members. I have little fun if I can't relax and enjoy the (musical) company of others.

If I was doing it for a living, I would be a little more prone to do the job without necessarily enjoying it very much.

I see some of the band members on social occasions every now and again. Sometimes we do band outings, we go to a gig together, or for a meal. Very civilised and friendly.

[/quote]

Having edited out the bits that don't apply to me (band members being work colleagues and me being an all-round nice guy :) ) this is how I approach it all. Being on friendly terms with the others in the band is very important to me. Probably the most important aspect, really. I don't do it for the money, fame, sex or drugs - just to have some fun.

I was in a band for 6 years, the singer increasingly annoyed me and it became a chore - I should have stopped at this point but carried on thinking that the band was popular, gigs in the diary, worth putting up with. Then we had a fairly major row just before a gig. Not nice - not for me, him or particularly the other band members. Never going to let that happen again.

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My band consists of two of my best friends (whom I have known since first school) an expat Geordie that we found in a bar and another best friends brother.

The pros are that we all get on really well, have the same musical interests and know what we are aiming for whilst writing songs. We are not afraid to criticise each other or throw our opinions out there, as we know its whats best for us as a band.

The cons are probably the amount of time we waste pissing around, studio time is expensive and if we're just sitting around drinking takes get sloppy!

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i was friends with my band mates before we were a band, i met the drummer at uni and he was best man at my wedding, the guitarist/singer is a guy i met while doing PA for a band that a bassist friend was playing in, he was playing drums in that band and we hit it off very quickly, we have very similar hobbies and interests.

our band only really happened because after years of saying that we should really have a go at being a band another friend asked us to play at their wedding, we had 6 months to become a competent covers band.

we're in it for the sheer fun of it all, if it stopped being fun then i think we'd find something else to do.

Matt

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I play in several bands and am closer to some of the members than others.

My friends are, generally, those who have a similar outlook to me and I'm a bit of a perfectionist. :)

I'm probably not unique in knowing hundreds of people, not knowing hundreds of people who know me but only having a handful of friends.

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Three (vox, 2 guitarists) of my band were at school together (they're 40 now) and are good friends. Over the year I've been in the band I've become friends with them to the point that hanging out is as much fun as playing.

We've just changed drummer as the chemistry wasn't right - hopefully the new guy will become a friend over time.

We do this for fun, wouldn't want to do it with people I didn't get on with.

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My current band is very social. We always go for a drink after rehearsal and natter about all sorts of different stuff. Different members see each other more regularly than others but we all see each other outside of the band environment from time to time.

As a group of people it's probably the most social of all the bands I've been in and I really look forward to meeting everyone each week. I definitely feel it makes us play better as a band and we're all really supportive at both rehearsals and gigs.

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I play for fun (at least at the moment) so it's. It my full time job. So I'm not the final authority here, but I have always been friends with the people in my bands. The danger is if you are close friends, and the band falls apart, or people start acting like a dick, it cuts far deeper as there is a sense of betrayal or some other similar emotion.
I like to think that even if I was a full time musician, I would be friends with others in the band, it's in my nature to be that way. I just can't justify spending the time with people I can't stand or have no interest in, but that's me. Maybe if I was getting paid a shed load...

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[quote name='Dad3353' timestamp='1414112386' post='2586093']
I've worked with band leaders who'd have no qualms whatever in posing any or all of those questions, and more besides. Sometimes long-term friends, with the best intentions, will hesitate in coming out with straight-up, personal questions. One could say that, if the friendship is true, it would survive such indiscretions, and that may be true, but not everyone would want to take the risk. There are far more indirect ways to communicate with complicity rather than being blunt. Depends on character, I suspect, too.
[/quote]

That's a good argument. And for me personally if I'm in a working band making good, consistent, bill paying money and that BL confronts me, he has my attention.

Blue

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I have found that if we were already mates before the band got together then we usually continue to be friends after. If we became friends as a result of being in a band then the friendship is not quite as close after. I have never been in a band with someone I don't like, or someone who is on a different page musically. That's the most pretentious thing I have ever written by the way.

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