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Time to move on methinks.


karlfer
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[quote name='Les' timestamp='1396981910' post='2419478']
Bloody hell Karl, only just seen this. Sorry to hear about it bud. :(
[/quote]

Thanks Les, don't say anything though dude. They don't know yet. They also don't know about this thread.
Upside is I may FINALLY get to one of your lot's legendary shindigs :lol:

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[quote name='Les' timestamp='1396983601' post='2419499']
My lips are sealed mate.

We're in Standish on Sunday by the way lol :D
[/quote]

Whatever happens I will need to honour The Boulevard on Saturday night.
After that, wanna buy a Nate Mendel or US Precision, I'll bring them to Standish :lol: :lol:

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I'm not judging your reaction, but you have to remember that just because you don't want to be in 2 bands you can't stop others doing it. I totally understand your reaction, I often have to take a step back from a situation and try and judge it without emotion. I play in a 2 bands, one an original 3 piece and one a busy wedding band. Unfortunately for me the wedding band pays the bills, so in some respects it's more important.

I can get a dep for the wedding band, but my normal rule is who ever books me first gets me. This can be changed if I can't get a dep, or if the original band get an important gig that has to be played. There is no right or wrong way to do this, but like anything the key to keeping everyone happy is communication and honesty.

I do sometimes feel hurt when the guys do an interview, or a remix or a recording or anything really without me, of course it's usually because I'm gigging, or they assume I am. At times like this I try to remember that they are getting on with what needs to be done, and that they are entitled to do whatever they want. If your band mates (friends?) Want to get their own band together, either for a one off or even permanently, it has nothing to do with you or your band, it's certainly not a sign of any lack of commitment. As long as all their warm up gigs don't clash with your bands gigs, and they keep you updated when they are booked you can't really complain, even if you want to.

As an aside, I generally find most good gigs for original bands are week nights, nobody wants to showcase their own material to drunk weekend party people. The only real exception to this is festival gigs, but their band won't be doing festivals for a while yet. So hopefully there never will be too many problems.

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I've kinda been in the situation where members of my band played in other bands, and I know loads of people do it but it caused enough sh*t for me to hand my notice in, Karl knows a little bit of this tale. The day was saved and I mostly got my way and stayed.

I suppose it comes down to being clear from the start what you can and can't commit to, but I'm now at the stage were I won't wear it anymore. If you want to do the odd midweek gig then fine, if you want to clash with my band then no, it's just not happening.

It's not just the gigging it's the time commitments that clash with every day life and family. Not being able to rehearse cos' your already rehearsing with your sideline band for a Thursday night gig and are out on Saturday with us and the wife will go ape if you do another rehearsal will be met with a very frosty reception.

We all only have so much time and energy to commit to our weekend warrior bands and if you've only got limited time and energy then I want it all.

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[quote name='Les' timestamp='1397008030' post='2419731']
I've kinda been in the situation where members of my band played in other bands, and I know loads of people do it but it caused enough sh*t for me to hand my notice in, Karl knows a little bit of this tale. The day was saved and I mostly got my way and stayed.

I suppose it comes down to being clear from the start what you can and can't commit to, but I'm now at the stage were I won't wear it anymore. If you want to do the odd midweek gig then fine, if you want to clash with my band then no, it's just not happening.

It's not just the gigging it's the time commitments that clash with every day life and family. Not being able to rehearse cos' your already rehearsing with your sideline band for a Thursday night gig and are out on Saturday with us and the wife will go ape if you do another rehearsal will be met with a very frosty reception.

We all only have so much time and energy to commit to our weekend warrior bands and if you've only got limited time and energy then I want it all.
[/quote]

Well said Les. I think this is my view point on being in a band, with regards to the other members and my time and energy. At least until recently, I have started to consider another project as well. Although I will start with the best of intentions, and it wouldn't be so much the clashing between bands, more that two bands will clash with the rest of life and it's THAT that will cause the friction.
Think I'll rethink the second project, at least for now...

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Ok. So I can begin to see a problem. You guys want to rehearse and gig in the same week. So being in three bands means 6 days of playing.

The way I dealt with it was to be a lot more organised with rehearsal time and I don't think I ever played 3 gigs in one week. Missing a rehearsal isn't the end of the world and if the band is tight enough I can't see the need to be adding a new song or more for every gig.

I'm only in one band at the moment, we have a rehearsal with guitar, bass and drums to flesh out the new tunes, go away and learn them properly, come back add the singer and we're good to go. If we have a long break between gigs we'll have a rehearsal to run through the trickier tunes that we know we can trip up on. Other than that we just meet when we can. I can't see any benefit to tinkering with arrangements, whenever I've been in bands and we've done that it only leads to confusion and arguments.

Learn a song, play it, job done. It's just a bunch of notes.

Edited by TimR
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So I chickened out until the end of rehearsal.
I said to them they would need to get a new bassist but that I would work with my replacement as much as they needed until he/she were ready. I also said I would do all the gigs until somebody was ready.
The Troyen guitarist asked, quite sharply for him, what my reasons were. Unusual for him, he really is a nice, gentle man.
I mumbled I had my reasons.
Rather empty inside at the moment, but to me, I needed to do it. Not fun, but there you go.

Thank you to all you lot for the last week. The supporters and the ones who think I'm a tosser.
For good and bad, you have all been the musical sanity in the vacuum between my lugs.
Thanks all.

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Hey Karl,

I'm really sorry you felt that was your only option, but at the end of the day you have to live with yourself, not anyone else. Good on you for having the nuts to make the decision to leave now rather than drag it out. Just enjoy the time you have left with them and find something else.

What was their response by the way?

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[quote name='karlfer' timestamp='1397078752' post='2420534']
So I chickened out until the end of rehearsal.
I said to them they would need to get a new bassist but that I would work with my replacement as much as they needed until he/she were ready. I also said I would do all the gigs until somebody was ready.
The Troyen guitarist asked, quite sharply for him, what my reasons were. Unusual for him, he really is a nice, gentle man.
I mumbled I had my reasons.
[/quote]

You've got to do whats right for you, I suppose, but there's something quite amusing about someone quitting a band partly because of his bandmate's failure to communicate with him and then not telling them why!!

[quote]Thank you to all you lot for the last week. The supporters and the ones who think I'm a tosser.
For good and bad, you have all been the musical sanity in the vacuum between my lugs.
Thanks all.
[/quote]

Don't think anyone thinks you're a tosser. A few people thought you were overreacting (I still do) but at the end of the day only you can decide whether you want to be in a band or not. I still think leaving a band because of something that might happen rather than something that has happened is jumping the gun somewhat, but then again its not my band so you should do what you want.

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Yes. I don't think you're a tosser either.

You did miss out on an opportunity to discuss what their actual thoughts and plans are though, rather than making big assumptions.

I left a band and gave them the same assurance that I'd do the gigs we already had booked. They just immediately said no. Then got stressed when they couldn't find anyone.

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[quote name='karlfer' timestamp='1397078752' post='2420534']
So I chickened out until the end of rehearsal.
I said to them they would need to get a new bassist but that I would work with my replacement as much as they needed until he/she were ready. I also said I would do all the gigs until somebody was ready.
The Troyen guitarist asked, quite sharply for him, what my reasons were. Unusual for him, he really is a nice, gentle man.
I mumbled I had my reasons.
Rather empty inside at the moment, but to me, I needed to do it. Not fun, but there you go.

Thank you to all you lot for the last week. The supporters and the ones who think I'm a tosser.
For good and bad, you have all been the musical sanity in the vacuum between my lugs.
Thanks all.
[/quote]

Sorry to hear that, Karl. I'm going to miss our little reunions in various bizarre pubs on the Fylde... :ph34r:

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  • 3 months later...

Just an update a few months down the line, thought I'd do that as it was good in the first place to bounce off folk.
I did spit the dummy, but with gigs booked I never really went away. With about 15 in the diary for BBGM for next year already, it became more obvious Troyen was going to be run concurrently, but the band I was in was going to be the bread and butter band.
As time has gone on, the originals band that I was spitting about has now got 3 festivals for next year. They also have a Scottish Fest as a possibilty and also ones in Belgium and Holland.
They have been asked to write 2 new numbers for a compilation CD, NWOBHM 30 years on.
Their original bassist has told them he can not commit the time required.
I was asked to join on Saturday night at our gig. They announced it on their Facebook page today.
So basically, I am an embarrassed tart/brat.
But a happy one :D .
Thanks to all of you in my hour of bratish-ness.
EDIT. Last night a second label asked them for some material for a compilation album.

Edited by karlfer
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[quote name='Musicman20' timestamp='1396527600' post='2414647']
I'm 33. I am probably too old for the young student bands (eg those of 18-21) but too young at heart for what many in this country class as 'normal' for a 33 year old. Mr career has to be number one to me, and takes precedence over my music time. Personally, I prefer playing music all day, but I can't! Hence, its a great way to relax and I never find it boring. In fact, it de-stresses me.
[/quote]

This rings true. But, on the bright side, nail the career and think of all the treats you can have :)

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Is this a happy ending then?

My muso circle is a really a set of interlocking circles in which every member is in at least one other band. As part of a horn section, I'm also pimped out to whoever wants a bit of brass (!). We don't care, as long as when a gig is booked and everyone agrees they're available, they don't cancel in favour of another band.

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[quote name='karlfer' timestamp='1405973307' post='2507162']
Just an update a few months down the line, thought I'd do that as it was good in the first place to bounce off folk.
I did spit the dummy, but with gigs booked I never really went away. With about 15 in the diary for BBGM for next year already, it became more obvious Troyen was going to be run concurrently, but the band I was in was going to be the bread and butter band.
As time has gone on, the originals band that I was spitting about has now got 3 festivals for next year. They also have a Scottish Fest as a possibilty and also ones in Belgium and Holland.
They have been asked to write 2 new numbers for a compilation CD, NWOBHM 30 years on.
Their original bassist has told them he can not commit the time required.
I was asked to join on Saturday night at our gig. They announced it on their Facebook page today.
So basically, I am an embarrassed tart/brat.
But a happy one :D .
Thanks to all of you in my hour of bratish-ness.
EDIT. Last night a second label asked them for some material for a compilation album.
[/quote]

Apparently I need to adjust my style of parenting with my kids, it seems throwing your toys out of the pram and stomping your feet DOES get you what you want!! :-)

Seriously though Karl, I don't think that anyone felt you were too far out of order. We have our own feelings and are entitled to them whether or not they seem reasonable to others. Really pleased that in the end you not only got to hang on to the band you were clearly enjoying but also you now get to create some original music and play some nice big shows. Well done mate!

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I agree. It would wind me up. Well, I was in a similar situation and it did rack me off.

Not wanting to hijack the thread (and admin feel free to move) but im slowly finding myself in a situation where the band im in need to relieve one of our members from their duty - what are other people's experience with this?

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[quote name='karlfer' timestamp='1405973307' post='2507162']
Just an update a few months down the line, thought I'd do that as it was good in the first place to bounce off folk.
I did spit the dummy, but with gigs booked I never really went away. With about 15 in the diary for BBGM for next year already, it became more obvious Troyen was going to be run concurrently, but the band I was in was going to be the bread and butter band.
As time has gone on, the originals band that I was spitting about has now got 3 festivals for next year. They also have a Scottish Fest as a possibilty and also ones in Belgium and Holland.
They have been asked to write 2 new numbers for a compilation CD, NWOBHM 30 years on.
Their original bassist has told them he can not commit the time required.
I was asked to join on Saturday night at our gig. They announced it on their Facebook page today.
So basically, I am an embarrassed tart/brat.
But a happy one :D .
Thanks to all of you in my hour of bratish-ness.
EDIT. Last night a second label asked them for some material for a compilation album.
[/quote]

:D :D :D

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