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These are the rules (Bass players, see No. 5)


John Cellario
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Is anyone going to tell Gary Moore not to pull faces while playing - ? I think not! Rules are for wimps - do your own thing. If the bar is empty when you open your eyes, don't try that particular thing again!

I learned a lesson last night as stand-in bass at a gig. Don't try to play a song that you've never heard, never rehearsed and only have half the guitar chords for. It went okay with me making it up as I went along until I ran off the end of the notes page and realised there must me a page 2. Doh! Cue several bars of "jazz style" meanderings until I worked out were the band were. By "Jazz style" I mean playing the wrong notes, but my pulling a "nice" face I hope it looked like I did it on purpose :)

Cheers,
Rich

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[quote name='Happy Jack' timestamp='1391789237' post='2361343']
Nothing wrong with saying hello to the town where you're playing: "Hey! Feltham! Good t'be hyah!".[/quote]

I'm always up for that too.

I kind of agree with the rest although I can live with strats (I'm ducking for cover now)

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Rule 14.
You shall gurn,bob at the knees,nod the head or make other facial contortions and/or bodily movements that give even the most casual of viewer the impression that you are enjoying what you are doing.
And if you're not enjoying it,f**k off and find something better to do.
This rule replaces the OP's rule 10.

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[quote name='spinynorman' timestamp='1391895453' post='2362488']
The problem is, if the guitarist isn't allowed a Strat, what is he going to play? A Les Paul? A Telecaster? Some out-of-fashion super-strat? Have a heart, it's like telling the bass player he mustn't play a Precision.
[/quote]

There's loads more guitar designs than the ones you've mentioned. for starters how about: Firebird, 335, anything with a Gretch logo on it, anything with a Mosrite logo on it?

[IMG]http://i114.photobucket.com/albums/n249/BigRedX/Bass/HallmarkWingbat.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://i114.photobucket.com/albums/n249/BigRedX/Bass/HohnerTEXIICustom.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://i114.photobucket.com/albums/n249/BigRedX/Bass/GusG1Vibrato.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://i114.photobucket.com/albums/n249/BigRedX/Bass/FretkingEspritVCustom.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://i114.photobucket.com/albums/n249/BigRedX/Bass/TokaiTalboJr.jpg[/IMG]

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[quote name='lee4' timestamp='1391957507' post='2362955']
Rule 14.
You shall gurn,bob at the knees,nod the head or make other facial contortions and/or bodily movements that give even the most casual of viewer the impression that you are enjoying what you are doing.
And if you're not enjoying it,f**k off and find something better to do.
This rule replaces the OP's rule 10.
[/quote]

Knee bobbing. I rather like that. I once saw a guitarist do this combined with a sort of chicken pecking head nod. And on the last beat of the bar he sort of kicked his leg out at the back. It was wonderful to behold.
If I can ever perfect that move I shall be very happy :D

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[quote name='Dave Vader' timestamp='1391786992' post='2361316']
With all due respect, this is utter bullshit. Of the highest order.
Probably written by some twat in a terrible pub covers band who has a horrible shiny 7-string Ibanez guitar, can't play lead solos for toffee and has a gut like Jabbas.

Or not.
:)

He should say, "If you are not a dull shoe-gazey indie muppet, you should't be in a band" or "Don't form a band".
[/quote]
Calm down it's only satire !
It is in fact from a humorous book by an American writer ( music journo?)which I was given for Christmas a few years ago and was called the Rock Bible or something. I cant believe that anyone ever intended these to be taken seriously although judging by the vitriolic response of some of the humourless miserable gits on here and facebook the irony got lost somewhere mid Atlantic.
It made me smile anyway.

edit:http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Rock-Bible-Scriptures-Bands/dp/1594742693

Edited by lonestar
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[quote name='cytania' timestamp='1391978568' post='2363263']
The Batmobile guitar is amazing BigRedX!
[/quote]

Thanks!

Limited edition of 100, endorsed by George Barris who designed the 60s TV Batmobile.

It's a really good instrument too! I particularly like the fact it only has two controls - volume and a switch that does nothing except turn on the LEDs in the "exhaust"!

[IMG]http://i114.photobucket.com/albums/n249/BigRedX/DSC03082.jpg[/IMG]

Edited by BigRedX
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[quote name='Diablo' timestamp='1391986709' post='2363391']
Post #39 gets my vote for the "worst looking guitars of all time ever mentioned in the same post" award. Man they are bad. If a guitarist turned up to play with one of those I'd personally use it to beat them with.

Cheers,
Rich
[/quote]

You're so vanilla...

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[quote name='BigRedX' timestamp='1391971446' post='2363153']
There's loads more guitar designs than the ones you've mentioned. for starters how about: Firebird, 335, anything with a Gretch logo on it, anything with a Mosrite logo on it?







[/quote]

Nope - if the drummer can't have scaffolding on his drums, you can't have it on your guitar :P

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[quote name='lonestar' timestamp='1391978617' post='2363265']

Calm down it's only satire !
It is in fact from a humorous book by an American writer ( music journo?)which I was given for Christmas a few years ago and was called the Rock Bible or something. I cant believe that anyone ever intended these to be taken seriously although judging by the vitriolic response of some of the humourless miserable gits on here and facebook the irony got lost somewhere mid Atlantic.
It made me smile anyway.

edit:http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Rock-Bible-Scriptures-Bands/dp/1594742693
[/quote]

Unless they're being just as ironic.

I suppose if you were to take it seriously, at least if your band confirms to all those old tired rock band cliches, be aware that they're tired cliches and revel in the fact. For god sake don't think you're being edgy unless you've taken that cliche to new levels like Mr Venom.

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