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80s, but not the good 80s; the kinda naff, spandex-driven 80s... We're the By Jovi band I've alluded to in the Audition From Hell thread a while ago, we'd achieved a functioning drummer, and decided to embark on a UK Tour in installments...basically, we'd been through the back of Kerrang, listed the pubs/venues that other folk were playing, and phoned them up. The furthest North was a place in Stirling, which, of course, we couldn't manage to hang another gig off, so we were going to have to drive up and back in a day. Oh good. Singist blags a Merc van off his Dad, which was certainly big enough for all the gear, if a little elderly. Guitarist turns up with his mate, whose reputation had preceded him as a Proper Roadie. As he and I are the only driving license holders in the entourage, it's decided I'll drive up and he'll drive back, as I've spent the morning in work, and I'm clearly going to be far too fatigued with playing and then fighting off the attentions of adoring fans and almost certainly herds of groupies to drive back. Off we go. 400 yards later Proper Roadie demands a comfort break, an event which he repeats at depressingly frequent intervals during the 250-mile journey, hinting at early-onset incontinence issues. The trip is made even more depressing by the realisation that the van's 50mph top speed isn't quite enough, even with all the windows down in the rain, to expel all the carbon monoxide which the broken exhaust is depositing into the cab. The van's also doing about 8mpg, but at least that means we get to stagger out, coughing and wheezing and doing that wafting thing, at every services between Manchester and Stirling. By teatime we're at the venue, all is suspiciously quiet, and the total lack of any of the posters we'd sent should have set warning bells ringing. The landlord, who in hindsight had been just a bit too keen to get us to play this particular weekend (I might add here we were doing this for a fee based on 'Either what you can take on the door, or 10% of the bar, boys' i.e. nowt from the landlord himself) welcomes us with a beaming smile and cheerful predictions that 'the place'll be rammed very soon, boys'. Predictions he seems happy to repeat throughout the evening, despite increasingly overwhelming evidence to the contrary. And so, chanting the hopeless mantra 'Well, we're here now, we may as well...' we set up and soundcheck. Proper Roadie, his heavy lifting duties discharged for the time being, returns from the bar beaming and holding a pint "This Drybrough's Heavy* is good stuff. I'll just have a couple, I'll be right as rain by the time you're finished." I should really have paid closer attention, but right then we were more tasked wondering where the the adoring fans were all meeting prior to turning up en masse. We settle down to a couple of hours of taking it in turns to wander outside to look up and down the street, eyes peeled for any signs of the crowd, before eventually deciding that we'll go on and start, because then the siren-song of, erm our songs will inevitably draw the punters in... I might add at this point that in the three hours we've been at the venue no-one, and I mean no-one, has even looked in the door, and the sole other occupant is the landlord, who has disppeared to his back room, and has taken to just popping his head round the door every now and then, giving us a two-thumbs-up, pulling another pint for Proper Roadie (I did say I should have been paying closer attention) and disappearing again. After some tense negotiation, we decide that a door take might scare off the potential punters, and we'll settle for 10% of the bar take, relying on some last-minute hard-drinking Scottish rock fans to take the edge off the diesel bill to get home. Off we go, all staring at the door, willing the punters in. Nothing. Not a Scottish sausage. Another scout of the postcode in the break reveals a deserted neighbourhood, with nary a punter to be seen. Spirits are low, with the exception of Proper Roadie, who is very happy indeed, about something or other. As I've said before, I wasn't paying much attention... Then, in the middle of the second set, two ladies wander in and up to the bar. Our somewhat listless performance jumps up several gears, anticipating the late surge of fans, and many unwise shapes are thrown for their benefit. Perhaps understandably, given the desperately pirouetting, lungeing and eyebrow-waggling idiots on stage all trying to catch their eye, they drink up quick and leave. Are they rushing off to bring all their friends? No, they aren't. We finish the second set, not even able to face playing an encore to ourselves, and start to break the kit down. The singist, always a man of infinite resource when there's things to be lifted which might be heavier than his mike stand, volunteers himself to seek out the landlord. He returns holding aloft our earnings for the day, the princely sum of 15p. He shows us a piece of paper on which the landlord has helpfully detailed the important financial transaction: '2 x halves of lager @ 75p each = £1.50 x 10% = 15p. Cheers boys.' We look up. The landlord is once again absent. 'Read it again' says the drummer, squinting like Peter Grant looking for the catch in a new contract... 'We could raffle it' says the guitarist, ever the optimist/cretin. It is by now gone midnight, and we've the really big PA boxes to shift, and now, far, far too late, I'm looking for Proper Roadie. He is eventually found out in the beer garden slumped in a pool of...let's just say 'his own making' and leave it there. Drybrough's finest (or at least Heaviest) appears to have snuck up on him somewhat. We take an arm each, and without getting too close at any point, give him a cursory rinse under the outside tap before depositing him damply in the back with the gear. And so it's down to me to drive us all home, dispirited, unadored and possibly even more tragically, un-Groupie'd. I've been awake for twenty hours so far, have participated in loading up, out, setup, played, and loaded it all back again. With added Comatose Proper Soggy Roadie. And now another six or seven hours before bed. Showing splendid soldarity in the face of adversity, everyone is snoring by the end of the road, and only my lung-busting coughing is keeping me awake. Somewhere in the Borders and the Wee Small Hours I succumb into the arms of Morpheus and we have a refreshingly exciting 150-yard off-road excursion up an embankment of a dual carriageway, eventually thumping back onto the road with miraculously little damage, although Proper Roadie in the back sounds like he might have to have a stand removed from a body cavity when we finally get back home. I pull over at the next layby and kill the engine. Some more tense negotiation reveals the fact that the drummer has a Provisional license, and is willing to consider a spot of Deserted Dual Carriageway Driving. We convince him it'll be good practice. As his de facto supervising license holder and guiding presence, I immediately get into the back bench seat and go to sleep, albeit in a supervisory and possibly guidey manner. We got home just after lunch the next day. Proper Roadie never roadied for us again. We never did find out why Stirling was deserted on a Saturday night. Oh, and I've just rememberd the Battle Of The Bands thing we did at the (then kinda big) Willows Variety Centre in Salford, hosted by none other than the brother of Johnny 'What's Another Year' Logan, erstwhile Eurovision Song Contest winner (where's the Hobnobbing With The Stars thread?), who made a point of telling us he was wearing the very jacket that Johnny won in...his breathless pause for gasps of awe came and went without remark, which seemed to disappoint him. We came third to a children's steel band and a vent act. That wasn't a great afternoon but, like facing a firing squad, at least it didn't take long. * For the Caledonian Quaffing Cognescenti, this'll date it a treat, given that Google tells me Drybough & Co were Borg'd and shut down by Allied in 1987...

The best one I ever saw was at an Iron Maiden gig. They were being supported by a then (and probably still) little known band called Funeral for a Friend (catchy huh). They were a bunch of fresh faced young lads about 18 or 19 playing to an arena full of Maiden fans who just wanted to see the main act, and they were being heckled mercilessly and having things thrown at them by a couple of hundred hard core Maiden fans right at the front of the stage. Three or four songs in and they were going down like a turd sandwich at a buffet. At which point the singer who was about as old as my favourite socks, walked to the front of the stage, stared straight at the offending crowd, lifted the mic, and in a level voice said "F#ck you! I'm 19 years old and I'm up here supporting Iron Maiden, and any one of you f#ckers would give your right arm to be where I am now", at which point an almighty cheer erupted across the whole arena, the band started playing the next song and all the offending Maiden fans started moshing along. The rest of their set was absolutely brilliant! I've never before or since seen anyone turn a crowd like that. Absolutely legendary!

Thinking about biker gigs reminded me of another one, again 20-odd years ago. This time, they'd set up a marquee beside a hotel out in the countryside near Peterhead, which was eventually closed down for actually being a brothel. The stage was an array of pallets placed on the grass at one end of the dubious-looking tent. Not covered-up pallets, mind, just pallets. Once our drummer had scavenged a sheet of hardboard on which to set up his tubs, we got started. After adjusting our volume upwards to drown out the generator in the corner, everything was going pretty well and much fun was being had by all concerned. Then the rain came on and, before too long, a howling gale started blowing in off the North Sea. It soon became apparent that more stringent pegging-down efforts had been required. What started with a flappy corner of canvas up at the far end soon became an entire collapse of that end of the tent. As we played on - and over the course of maybe 3 tunes during which frantic efforts were made to re-erect poles and guy-ropes - it gradually fell in, burying bikers, tables and beer kegs. Fortunately, our end stayed standing. Before long, though - and given that we were now playing to a sagging wall of canvas filled with flailing bikers having a great time of it - we were forced to bring an abrupt end to proceedings and swiftly throw the gear in the van via a human-chain of soaking and muddy motorcyclists before the whole thing collapsed. I drove past the next day and noted that somehow they'd managed to burn the marquee where it fell.

Ooohh, dats funky...

A sneaky peek as I haven't had a chance to play with it properly with it yet. There's something weirdly satisfying about a new highly polished neck fitted with reliced vintage tuners 😀

Ted Nugent seems to be generally quoted with the famous quote of "if it's too loud, you're too old". However, following a recent conversation with a pub landlord and customer it seems then the modern day version in smaller gig locations should be "if it's too loud, you really are too loud". . . Some background - we played a gig at a new venue for us that's had regular live music for a long time. After sound check the landlady came over and told us we sounded really good and were the best band they'd had in for a long time. Obviously we're all smiling and happy but a bit confused as all we'd played was a few sections of three songs to set the sound up for each instrument. I asked her what it was she liked - she replied without hesitation that we weren't stupidly loud and she could hear herself think when we were playing and also her customers when they ordered. We got a decent crowd and seemed to go down well and spoke to her about possible future gigs. She said she really liked us but that she was almost certainly going to stop having live bands completely. Her reasons were really interesting: Too many of them are too loud - deafening the staff and punters and increasingly annoying neighbours Poor quality sound - guitars drowning out the vocals, bass making things shake around the room and everything sounding a bit disconnected One of her regulars joined the conversation and backed her up. He obviously knew a bit about live sound and he reiterated that bands were getting louder and louder (he mentioned they seemed to be able to do this even with small combos - which is true of course with so much modern gear). The thing that annoyed him the most was the imbalance of sound, only vocals in the PA, PA sounding 'thin' and lacking clarity and the dreaded guitarist and bassist continually turning up to drown each other out whilst the drummer thrashed away regardless. Neither of them thought the musicianship was poor - although they said they often couldn't tell because of poor vocal quality. They both also said that vocals were the single most important thing for most everyday pub gig goers and they couldn't understand why bands seemed to pay so little attention. Soon after we played another gig where the landlord said something along the same lines. He felt he was losing customers because his local bands were simply too loud week after week. He was always telling them to turn down but they always said they had to be that loud because they couldn't hear what they were playing. He said he was not booking any more bands this year This morning I saw a thread (not here) where someone was saying he was in a new band playing weddings and corporate functions but probably wouldn't be in the front of house mix. Another player then said he needed a really powerful amp that went really loud. I see this 'it's great, goes really loud' quote all the time from people playing small gigs and also so many players saying that the PA is just for vocals. I can understand that 'volume' is all part of the dynamics of playing live but surely it should be 'controlled' rather than the mayhem unleashed by so many pub bands? It amazes me that people still think, in an age where quality PA is easily available for not too much money, that being insanely loud is something to aspire to and that they don't seem to really care about setting a band up for the audience rather than themselves. Putting everything into the FoH mix allows you to balance the sound across all instruments so that the audience can hear everything clearly - especially those all important lead vocals. It also allows everyone on stage to pull back on volume so they aren't deafening each other and can hear what everyone else is playing (adding stage monitors or in-ears is a bonus but I realise that's often too much additional expense or is taking up too much floor space). The lead guitarist in my band sets his Mesa Boogie combo to 5w and never needs any more volume. So, apologies for the long post but it genuinely worries me that more & more gigs will disappear if bands don't get their sound in order. . .

ITS PAINTED...not black..🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hello attached a few pics of my next bass

There is no excuse for being too loud these days. We used to be stupidly loud, but having bought our own basic PA have slowly brought the stage levels down to were I can speak to the drummer without shouting, and the FoH is at a comfortable 90-92db. Both guitarists use Marshall 50w heads into 2x12 cabs, I use either an SWR or an Aguilar AG500 through a 4x10. How do I know 90-92db is comfortable ? I have a cheap app on my phone. Go out front, turn your back to the band and listen. You’ll soon know what needs turning down (as against up). Many good sound engineers have taught me its better to subtract than add. The drums are in the PA but only to give the kick drum a chance to project. The guitars and bass are in the PA because it’s easier to get a balanced sound that way. We have a fiddle player who shares the vocal monitor to hear herself, so again keeping the on stage levels down helps her pitch. Finally, use the channel eq’s to create a space for each instrument or drum. One of my best weapons is a channel compressor on the two guitar channels. Both guitarists invariably tweak their amp settings (‘turn up’) after the first couple of numbers. My friendly compressors mean the FoH stays exactly as I set it despite their knob twiddling.

Why is Jonathan Creek reviewing a Markbass stack? Is it magic?

Dont have vocals... You would be surprised how much this solves 😆

What none of you seem to understand is that those are valve memories ...

Lightweight Rig. Amp 2,5 Kg, Cab 2x12", 600W 8Ohm 102db, 17,8 Kg

Just saw this on Facebook 😁

Well, they're having to adapt to the changing demographic and number of pub-goers. People go to the pub for different reasons. To meet up with friends, for conversation, to get out of the house, out of boredom, to be entertained, to get drunk, etc... Those that want to meet up with friends and chat in a neutral situation still tend to do that, although social media has undoubtedly had an effect on numbers going on the off-chance they will bump into friends. Those that went purely for entertainment/out of boredom are more likely to sit at home watching on demand TV, playing video games, going on the internet, drinking a bottle of wine in the comfort of their own home. Putting on bands mid-week used to be a sure-fire way of getting people into the pub on quiet days. Friday and Saturday nights were always busy but weekdays tended to be quiet. Bands would attract punters in the 18-30 group who didn't want to be bored at home but didn't necessarily feel any need to interact with others. Gigs in pubs, at least those that I went to, were never quiet, and the sound was never great but people still went to them. There was never any chance of conversation. Now, you're far less likely to be able to fill a pub with people who are just there to watch musicians play (regardless of sound quality) and have a pint by themselves. I'd say there's more demand for bands who are there as background music rather than the main event, and for that reason sound quality is more important than it used to be.

I have been drumming for over 50 years and have tinnitus quite badly, not just from drumming but from listening to loud music and playing in even louder bands back in the day. I now wear hearing protection when playing but as I said, in my current drumming band we practice and gig at a volume I could easily not use it. We rehearse at a volume you can talk over and gig so we can hear each other clearly without in ears. The guitarist gets the tone he wants from a 1 x 12 20 watt valve combo. I learned to play quietly over the last three years and its a revelation. The different tones and sounds available from a single drum or cymbal are obvious when you play lightly.

This would be accurate if the people mentioned were Eddo Brandes, Glenn McGrath and Glenn's wife ...

I was depping on drums for a friends band a few years ago and the bass player used to throw a bit of slap into a solo in "Play thay funky music" It was his party piece but he wasnt exactly Mark King to say the least. Anyway, we get to "that song" and he asks "are there any bass players in tonight?" A very quick "apparently not" was the response😂

I asked Sandberg on Facebook if I could order a VM SL. They said yes I can! Seems they'll do any California II as a superlight.

I might be breaching a new forum rule by posting without reading the whole thread here A few years ago we started picking up gigs simply because we were quiet, landlords in a few places simply liked bands that could entertain without being loud, and there were apparently not many of them around. Playing DB and having a skilful drummer who could tap as well as hit helped a lot also. I love playing loud, but only when it's appropriate. I prefer quiet.

probably another chip off the same block, the area round here is full of 'em. This village alone has ex-SAS guys, bomb disposal experts, champion water skiers and round the world yachtsmen. Often all in just the one bloke, who goes strangely silent when anyone who actually knows what they are talking about appears.

I just can't quite remember what these are called 🤔

^ Yes. It's because the music you listen to between the ages of 11 and 18 (or so) happen at the most incredible and impressionable time of your life. Of course you're going to remember your first girlfriend, your first acid trip, the first time you drove a car, motorbike, the first time you fell in love, the day you left home - and the horror of pubes. The music you hear at this time is indelible and when you hear it now, you're not only reminded of those times, you're BACK THERE experiencing those feelings all over again. Powerful stuff! Nothing special about the music though - it's just burnt into your mind through association!* *Actually, some of it is still pretty special.

There's a serious seventies HiFi vibe off of that. Well done!

I did. I bought a white Fender Jazz from you. I remember the visit more than I remember the jazz

Back in the 60's-70's and without PA reinforcement one needed a 100w valve head to fill out big club / cinema gigs where a thousand or more people were all dancing and screaming at the tops of their voices. Small room in a pub, four men and a dog, not so much. It's like using a JCB to weed your flowerbed. I met up with a guy one time looking to start a pub covers band in Oxford. Asked me my rig wattage. Well, FWIW, 500w, I told him. Says he scornfully, if you're going to work with me you'll have to buy a bigger rig, at least 1000w, I always run my AC30 at full whack. Twunt.

He makes some valid points about every generation predictably denigrating the music produced by the next. But the stuff about your musical tastes being set when you're a teenager is complete BS. In my teens I was listening pretty much exclusively to heavy metal bands like Maiden, Megadeth and Anthrax. I stopped listening to that stuff in my early twenties. It would never occur to me to put one of their albums on these days. Now I mainly listen to to soul, funk and jazz stuff that I would have turned off if it had come on the radio when when I was kid. I'd guess most people are the same, eventually we get bored of the same old, same old and move on to something else.

Express Music

I'm not sure whether my latest TT4 has Black label pickups or the older ones but they're pretty amazing. I have a set of Nordstrand in the drawer that I was ready to put in but I'm so impressed with the Sandberg passive J's there's no way I'd change them. With my VS4, I made it passive and put some EMG Geezer Butlers in. Very old school tone.

Just heard from Bass Direct TT4 will be £1475, and there is a 5 string at £1599 TM4 at £1495 and the TM5 at £1625 That sounds pretty damn good to me!

Love your Mission Statement... "As a bassist myself, I know the importance of a well-made instrument. I personally inspect each and every bass before it leaves my workbench. My name is on it, and I’m proud of my work. I wouldn’t expect other players to accept anything less than I’d want—that is, the most beautiful, functional, great-sounding, and above all playable instrument possible."

Sounds like you're out of phase there!

Drummers who can't drum quietly are simply bad drummers. Most of the drummers I play with can play at any level from soft to loud without a second thought. I'd say the same logic applies to bass players who use too much low end and then say they can't hear - they need to learn to get it right as well.

Hi guys And thanks all for your input, much appreciated ! Still, i must apologize to all but... thanks to oil + a cracked water pipe on the road i fell off my bike & was in Hospital for a while, reason why i didn't acknowledge your answers sooner.. 1st i should've explained that, same way i don't break E strings for breakfast, i hit the jack every now & then, not like.. 143 times a gig !? And yes, i AM an energetic player but NOT a destructive punk hellbent on wrecking each & every bass i lay hands on !!....LOL... That i've tried most anything i know off in the market that is angled, that i never had this problem w/ a side jack socket as i used to have and that being an artist/ silversmith by trade i have the necessary hand skills, the tools & workshop to relocate the jack if necessary - i just wanted to avoid that on this instrument as i love it & IT IS pristine new ? Kind of thing.. By the way i think someone asked & it's a Status S1 Classic Deluxe 4 string, in bright red metallic flake high gloss unlike ANYTHING i would ever be attracted to in a store to begin with but, slowly became the light of my eyes… that carbon neck ? It bloody makes the bass sing.. Speaking of PC, i would sell my first born to replace it if stollen….LOL… Anyway, yes i play bass slightly unconventionally. A mix of power chords, octaves played as chords w/ in between string ringing out harmonics + some jugglings i've stumbled upon, i use LOTS of FX, patches i build from scratch. Some are VERY close to what i hear & want, many a work in progress.. A lot into delays, chorus & pitchshifting, but also rabid distortion ( none of the usual bass mud but each string/note distinctly ringing distorted within the chord type of sound ? LOVE it.. ) wah wahs, etc.. + i use a Xotic SP comp, vol at 1 o'clock, blend at 9.30, toggle set on mid, as a 1 setting does it all comp. Some people like the music, some don't. I've got very perfectible technique, recordings are made 1, 2 or 3 takes max in a sketch archive way to later develop, ideas coming easily, i DEFINITELY need to rehearse & rehearse to get my sh*t right until it ''flows'' but when i finally get it right & sounding effortless ?.. The guys i play with like how it sounds & so do i but, to get those tones i must play the way i do & that implies every now & then hitting the damn jack w/ my knuckles. 2nd, yes the socket on my Status is not as low as the photo above, i also used to hit the volume pot as well & turn it down accidentally but i have solved that simply by inserting a leather washer under the knob then tightened it down, now it takes deliberate action to adjust the pot even if i hit it ! To give some examples i'm leaving below a few links to ''tunes'' i've posted in a web community i've joined a while back, a fantastic place w/ musicians from all over the world, of so many available genres to join in under the same roof for challenging oneself out of one's ''comfort zone'', not all imply i hit something as some are calmer than others as you'll be able to hear - as i hate recording/mixing, etc.. & suck at it, don't pay attention to the audio quality it's definitely not the best. If your stereo handles bass freqs ok, it sounds best at ''louder'' volumes, it's as if the sound ''opens up''... Live what pours out of my rig sounds VERY nice if i may say so myself, hi-fi but thick, lush clearly ringing notes across the full range, full of harmonics, a delight ! In the recordings ? Not so much... it sounds ''guitarrish'' as a lot of the tone's girth gets lost unlike live. It's in the funkier & lighter rock stuff with those ''snappy'' accent chord hand movements that i most often do the hitting. There's different sorts in there, just to give an idea : https://www.wikiloops.com/backingtrack-jam-27728.php - jamming along, octv + pitchshifting, bit of chorus & comp https://www.wikiloops.com/backingtrack-jam-92558.php - my bass is that 1st ''thick guitar''.. the other bass comes in at 0.28 https://www.wikiloops.com/backingtrack-jam-45925.php - 2 bass tracks, 1 w/ oct, 1 w/ chorus + comp https://www.wikiloops.com/backingtrack-jam-30866.php - 2 bass tracks, 1 my ''go to tone'' + 1 w/ oct + od, fooling around https://www.wikiloops.com/backingtrack-jam-63427.php - softer, 2 bass tracks, 1 w/ delays, 1 w/ chorus + comp https://www.wikiloops.com/backingtrack-jam-27621.php - 2 bass tracks, 1 w/ octvr, 1 w/ dist https://www.wikiloops.com/backingtrack-jam-36324.php - just GREAT drums & bass fun.. Sorry i added so many but it's hard to choose from 4 or 500 or so bits i have there, many not that interesting for 1 reason or another.. I tried to include in my answer a response to each one who has suggested jack options & cables but as competent as they all are i have tried if not the exact model, a very similar one of equivalent make/quality.. The right answer to me is definitely relocating the socket either Strat style or totally on it's side. I know how to do it & it's dead easy but hoped for some chi chi boutique wonder pancake jack at £75 a pop built correctly & i'd buy it as it would be a one time purchase & allow me to not modify the bass. Instead manufacturers prefer to make them cheap to produce & easier to break pancake jacks, let me guess why… 😉 Thank you all !! Nuno

...and cheaper?! Thomann have a huge buying power as well....so you will probably get the bass quicker and cheaper hahaha!

That’s the hearing loss and tinnitus for you.

To be honest, if all those who have a loan of the bass, have it for 2-3 weeks, we can take it to other bass players for them to try. I can take it to @gary mac and @Al Krow, if they're interested. Also @Lozz196 and @TheGreek don't live far away. So, this way, we can get it into the hands of a good number of bass players. It may not be to everyone's taste. Some like the feel of paint, for example, but I'm sure some will be interested.

Sandberg Black Labels pickups too. Sweeeeeeet.

@hiram.k.hackenbacker just read this whole thread, poor you, but great responses from all the chaos in BC here. So today is the day for the Status Flea?! I am going to selflessly promote a Fender/Status mash up I put together as a first time into guitar tinkering drilling holes from scratch and the like (Scary stuff!) and confidently say I bet yours will sound awesome, I like mine.

I'm sorry I made you sad by changing the truss rod cover on my bass :o(

Here's a pic Maz (Pino's wife) sent to me a few months ago. Looking well worn.

Don't Tell The Bride Yep, that awful program off BBC3. One of my bands should have been playing in the background of an episode years ago. It's not the kind of telly that I'd normally touch with a 60-ft remote control, but it would have been a telly appearance for a band playing originals, on a relatively mainstream channel, and so it seemed like a potentially good opportunity when first touted to us. It turned out our singer knew somebody who had put in a successful application to lay on a UFO/Roswell-themed wedding for his (very patient) betrothed, and decided he wanted us to play during the reception. Suits us, we thought, we can cheekily squeeze our more accessible material in between the standard covers. One of the things about programs like this is that they do like to pack out the venues, so every Tom, Richard and Harry was invited to make up the numbers. Even if being barely visible in the final TV edit didn't do wonders for our career, we'd have easily had 100+ impressionable punters to play to. Naively, we even pressed ahead with it when the groom told us that he'd blown all the budget on this ridiculous setup and had no money for the band. Sound familiar? One of the other things about programs like this is what an absolute logistical mess they are to film: the first take is never good enough; the cameramen missed certain angles that time; something's stopped working, bear with us; FFS Terry why didn't you hit 'record'?; and so on. Nothing runs to time. We were asked to drive up to an old airfield somewhere near Ipswich for filming. We knew we wouldn't be needed until after the first dance, but they asked us to get there for something like 10am anyway. Both the singer and guitarist had done TV before, and warned the rest of us that this was the reality of it: a lot of waiting around. Every so often, information would trickle through. They're just doing one last take of the vows; can you be ready in an hour? This becomes worse than standard waiting around - every so often somebody drops in to make sure you're on tenterhooks. Sorry, they need to reshoot a couple more snippets; we'll be back for you in another half-an-hour. Eventually, we were invited into the venue to soundcheck. It was an old wind tunnel - an aircraft hangar with some very effective acoustic treatment lining the walls and the roof. That's a weird sonic experience if ever you've had one. Our guitarist played some riffs to soundcheck while I walked maybe 100m from his amp to see how things would sound in the middle of the audience. It sounded exactly the same as when I was on the stage. Very impressive, but also incredibly sterile-sounding - you don't realise how much you miss room ambience until it's gone! Anyway, the soundcheck complete, they served a meal, about three hours later than planned. At least we got a good lunch out of them. We sit through the speeches. The couple finally have their first dance, and we get ready to play as soon as they've finished...until a producer wanders over and tells us they just want to reshoot a scene from earlier. Also, can the DJ put some music on so they can get some shots of the guests dancing? The latter request seemed odd to us. Surely the guests could dance to our music? And surely they'd continue to dance when the DJ took over after our set? It all became apparent after the first dance: after a day of filming, all the guests are knackered. The DJ piped in some music but even he couldn't corral more than half a dozen people up to the floor. Most of the assembled party looked like they just want a quiet cup of tea and/or a nap. The camera crew make do with what they can get, and we're given the all-clear to start playing. As we hit the opening bars, we look over to see the camera crew packing up and walking brazenly out the door. We are not going to be on television, we all realised. And the 100+ punters manage some polite applause from the comfort of their seats, but are too tired to give a rat's fundament. We decide to call it quits after five or six songs. The DJ fares no better as we load all our gear out of the hangar and into a van hired at no small expense to ourselves. The best man tries to call a half-arsed apology to us as we leave. We drive home, ruing the day we ever agreed to appear on Don't Tell The Bride.

In this case though, the Epiphone is a more accurate reproduction of a '60s TBird than any Gibson. So why spend more on a Gibson when it's not as good? Besides, it's part of the same company.

Just about done! It’s a bit late, so I am losing the ability to put the right screw in the right place, but here we are so far...

And here she is, the object of my affections. One Y.O.B Fender Precision Bass (1976) Of course in natural with a rosewood fingerboard. This is a very specific configuration for a reason. Firstly, because I grew up listening to Queen. The late-70's mid-d80's era of John Deacon's "main" precision bass actually had it's sunburst finish removed to natural, rather than this one that came as is. Said Precion bass ended up having a refinish in black with gold hardware, which is rather sexy! Anyway, I digress... I've been trying to find this spec bass for ages and have never been able to afford one. (I've just sold lots of bass gear!!!) Also, many years ago, my mum helped me buy my first precision bass (which I tried to re-buy last year when it resurfaced some 25 years later on this very forum, but the seller wouldn't budge). I've always felt rubbish about selling it, so it will help put my mind at ease now that I have replaced it. - Funnily enough, same colour scheme! And, finally, to bring this long tale to an end, I have of course a huge thank you to make. WUNJO GUITARS https://www.wunjoguitars.com for being, frankly, bloody amazing in all of this. I've had so many conversations with Jimmy in the bass department that he's practically family now. They kept on at UPS every day and would not let this situation drop for a second. They've displayed a customer service that I've not experienced "when the sh*t hits the fan" and get my thorough thumbs up. I'd also like to thank Tom who stepped up to the challenge of recording me a whole bunch of videos so I could see and hear the bass in action as I was unable to get down to London to see it in person. Now that we are getting acquainted, me and the bass are gonna see if we hit it off together. We've just played through the whole of Queen's The Miracle from start to finish and that went pretty well.

It’s almost as if there had been some kind of avoidable event where a third of the population had voted for something that meant the pound dropped in value...

THREATS Unbelievably, the White Bear invited us back. Huh? Well, it was £250 and we needed more gigs so we accepted the gig. Bad mistake. The only punters were a large extended family of pikeys. I'm sure there are some really nice, friendly Travellers out there. Well these were the other sort. Most of them were adult but they had a kid with them, maybe 12 or 13. They started pestering us to let the lad get up and sing. With some trepidation we turned them down, but agreed to let him sing (unaccompanied) through the PA at the break. Hearing a 13-year-old pikey kid singing Coming Down Sunday Morning is an experience. We started the second set and within a few minutes they were again demanding that we let the boy take over as our lead singer for the night. Given the volume level this was not a conversation - more a matter of mouthed words and curt headshakes. Halfway through Let's Dance the pikey leader strode up on stage, got me in a bear hug (while I continued trying to play) and bellowed in my ear: "Youse had best come round to my way of thinking or the boots will come off!" So we did. We turned into a karaoke band for the rest of the evening, and the pikeys actually seemed to appreciate our efforts. It was only later that it occurred to us all that "the boots will come off" is about as meaningless a threat as any of us had ever heard. It remains a catchphrase in the the band to this day.

Look Ped, those photos are just not appropriate for a family platform. I know you are immensely proud of it, but I simply can not “cup it for a while” 😂😂😂